28 By the Shores of Lake Michigan (Part 3)

“We need a truckload of fruit,” Gretchen grumbled as Shadow Fish splashed them yet again. Antonai’s skin steamed, and she huddled close to him.

“Maybe if we gather enough people, we can do it without Walter,” Antonai suggested.

Gretchen shook her head. “I have a better idea. We’ll find them, and then you’ll go back to the cars because if we’re doing such a strong exorcism, you’re bound to be sent back, too.”

“But—”

“Antonai! Do you want to go back there?”

Antonai bowed his head. “No.”

***

The boat drifted toward open water while Gina and Kath huddled in its dubious safety.

“Why do I get the idea that I don’t want to be this close to the Fish?” Kath muttered.

“Because you’ve got a brain,” Gina said. “And the Fish tried to kill Mark.”

“I’d just about die if that happened to Roger,” Kath admitted.

“But there’s nothing we can do to get away from him,” Gina said. “Is there such a thing as a weather spell?”

“Probably, but it’s bound to upset the balance.”

“Damn. Yeah.”

So they floated past the end of the docks and onto the lake.

***

“You people are ruining everything!” the clown cried, charging past Mark and Roger.

“Huh. That’s weird. He didn’t try to possess us,” Mark said.

Roger watched the clown’s progress toward shore and pointed. “Looks like something’s going on. Everyone’s flocking that way.”

“Isn’t that where we left Walter and Tami?”

“Just about. Let’s go!”

They tore along the docks, trailing the clown who’d interrupted their kiss. The crowd thickened, clowns and witches fighting and shouting. Spells crisscrossed with streams of blue fog, while here and there a gremlin darted between legs.

“I was wondering where the gremlins were,” Roger said.

“There aren’t many books out here. More of them are probably back at HQ or invading the libraries and churches of Chicago.”

Roger shuddered. “Now that’s a scary thought.”

“Not as scary as walking straight into that mass of clowns,” Mark moaned. “Oh, do we have to?”

“Straight is overrated. You can do it, and besides, now that you know what they really are, are they still scary?”

“Yes.” Mark plunged into the sea of grins, and Roger just barely managed to hold onto his hand as they pushed their way through, dodging streams of fog.

Their progress slowed as they neared the center of the group. “Don’t a lot of them seem confused?” Roger asked suddenly.

“Now that you mention it, yeah. That’s encouraging!”

A clown blocked their way and Roger seized her arms while Mark recited the incantation. When he finished, she sagged against Roger, but didn’t fall. In a few moments she gave him a puzzled look and wandered off.

“Good one!” Roger said, seizing Mark’s hand once more and towing him into the eye of the crowd, where Walter, Tami, LaTosha, and Grace stood back to back, each facing off with a clown.

“Reinforcements have arrived!” Mark declared with a flourish, and their friends made space for them in the outward-facing circle.

***

Their voices were hoarse as they chanted the exorcism over and over again. When they were lucky, clowns collapsed at their feet or turned away bewildered. When they weren’t, the clowns lashed out.

LaTosha dodged a kick, muttering a curse as the sudden movement broke eye contact with the clown she’d been trying to exorcise. From another direction, a stream of blue fog soared toward her, and she clapped her hands over her mouth to keep it out.

“Here!” Tami said beside her, whipping the bandana off her head. “It’s not clean, but it’ll protect your mouth.”

“Thanks,” LaTosha gasped, fumbling to tie the fabric across her face.

“You’re more at risk than most of us,” Tami grunted before catching another clown’s eye.

“All right! Make way! Coming through!” A voice cut through the din.

“Is that Gretch?” Mark panted.

“I said let us by!”

“Yup, that’s Gretch!” Mark confirmed as Gretchen and Antonai burst through the inner ring of clowns.

“Damn, you guys are making short work. They’re mostly all confused out there, unless they’re amazing actors. Antonai, go back to the cars!”

“I have to agree with Gretchen,” Walter said. “Will you please wait for us there?”

“Yeah, okay, fine.” Antonai pushed through the pack of clowns, muttering under his breath in Latin.

“Walter, the Fish is getting feisty and no one’s doing anything about it. Do you think we should head out there and exorcise him, too?” Gretchen asked.

Walter looked around, but it was Tami who spoke. “It looks like between the spells and Grace’s karate, we’ve made progress on the clowns. Besides, won’t they be easier to deal with once the Fish is gone?”

“I’m not sure. Clowns thrive on chaos, so they may be an equally happy mob with or without the Fish,” Walter said.

“Antonai said the Fish was giving them orders,” Gretchen put in. “So if even a few of them are obeying, getting rid of him will be a huge improvement, won’t it?”

“Indeed. Make sure you’ve got your fruit, and let’s go.”

***

“Next we find the others,” Mariah told Mulwyn, the stomach-high elf at her side. “I know Walter and Tami stayed on shore, so we’ll start there.”

They turned their backs on the lake, but before they had gotten far, Gretchen hailed them.

“Mariah! And Mulwyn! Damn, you’re still here.”

“Nice to see you again, too,” Mulwyn said with a shrug.

“We’re banishing the Fish!” Gretchen sang out, so Mariah and Mulwyn followed the rest of the conglomerate coven to the farthest reach of the docks, where Shadow Fish still splashed.

Mark covered his ears. “Ugh. It’s that screaming sound again.”

“What’s he saying, Carolyn?” LaTosha asked.

Mark jumped. “Carolyn’s here? Oh, good! Hi, Carolyn! I was hoping we’d see you here.”

“Carolyn says hi, Mark. The Fish is trying to organize the clowns, but it appears most of them prefer the old ways and continue to serve chaos.”

With nothing separating them from Shadow Fish, Walter began the exorcism ritual.

Shadow Fish roared, and Roger tossed an apple toward his open maw. Mark gave a thumbs-up, but neither stopped chanting, and slowly the crowd around them grew. At first the other witches just listened, but when they’d finished the spell, a few others joined the second recitation.

The Fish’s struggles grew more frantic.

They started a third repetition, and Shadow Fish no longer looked completely solid. Fruit rained down on him and he submerged to lurk under the surface of the water.

On the fourth repetition, he surfaced again, splattering them with water before he swam closer.

***

“I think the Fish is upset,” Kath said through chattering teeth. “What do you think is going on?”

Gina craned her neck, but the Fish’s bulk obscured the docks. “I don’t know. Maybe someone’s trying to exorcise him! Let’s chant.”

“All right. Even if we drown or die of hypothermia, at least we’ll have contributed to the battle.”

So they shouted at the top of their lungs as the boat carried them farther from shore, docks, and Fish.

“Is he getting more transparent?” Gina asked.

Kath shrugged, and they kept yelling, even though the wind ripped the words from their mouths and tossed them away before they could reach the Fish.

***

Mariah threw her last battered mango toward the Fish’s fading form, as the words of the exorcism ritual thundered to a close around her. The Fish gave one more giant leap, aiming for the dock, and witches scattered, but a tomato passed through his fading form and he vanished with a pop in midair.

A ragged cheer rose, and the Stonebridge coven added their voices and whistles, but when they turned to troop back to shore through thinning crowds of clowns, LaTosha held up a hand.

“Carolyn says to give her a minute to find Gina and Kath.”

So they stood in a huddle watching LaTosha watch Carolyn’s progress across the lake while gusts of wind ruffled the water.

Carolyn returned in moments and LaTosha repeated her report. “They’re still in the boat, but they’ve drifted a long way. Who’s going with me to find them?”

“I will,” Gretchen and Mark said as a misty figure appeared in front of them.

“Kenneth!” Walter exclaimed. “Is everything all right?”

“We’re making progress thanks to the excellent exorcism of Shadow Fish. We need you on shore to help disband the Society around their bonfire. Extinguish the flames if you can.”

“We’re on the way,” Walter said as Kenneth’s sending faded out.

“There’s a rowboat over there,” LaTosha said. “We’ll borrow that one.”

“Let’s just make sure we remember the oars!” Gretchen said, leading the way down the main dock and along one of the spurs to where the rowboat was tied. “Yup! We’ve got oars.” She and Mark and LaTosha climbed in and started to row.

***

What remained of the Stonebridge and Iowa City covens straggled ashore and made for the blaze of light marking the ceremony’s location. They dodged staggering clowns and thinning streams of pale blue fog, and were almost to the crowd around the fire when Mariah tripped and went down in a spray of sand.

“Gremlin!” Grace shouted, diving for the leathery gray creature. She landed prostrate in the sand with one of the gremlin’s webbed feet in her hand.

Tami whipped out a hand mirror and Mariah sat up and extracted a slightly squashed banana from her bag. “I landed on top of it. I hope it’ll still work.”

The banana obeyed the hover command, and Roger intoned, “Through the unseen gateway behind, into your own home, be now reflected.”

The banana fell to the sand, and Roger and Walter helped Mariah and Grace to their feet.

The members of the Society for Holiness on Earth bobbed up and down, alternately bowing and raising their arms above their heads to shout at the sky. Every few moments, a figure stumbled out of the bonfire, shook itself, and bolted into the night, drawing shouts of praise from the worshippers.

“All right, Walter. Do you know how to open a fire hydrant if we can find one?” Mariah asked.

“Theoretically, but I don’t have any tools. Maybe we could make a bucket brigade….” Walter looked around as though the answer would present itself if he looked in the right place.

Mulwyn tugged at Mariah’s arm. “Now it’s my turn to make myself useful.”

“What?”

“In exchange for your help when you found me at the mercy of those clowns before. You want to put the fire out?”

“Well, yes.”

Mulwyn closed his eyes and raised his hands. For a moment, no one moved, and then Roger pointed. Swirling, spiraling like an upside down miniature tornado, a stream of water arched up from Lake Michigan toward the Society’s bonfire.

A roar rose as the crowd looked for the source of the disruption.

“Everyone surround Mulwyn!” Walter ordered. “We’ve got to give him time to pour enough water on the fire.”

***

“Let me have a turn on the oars, Gretch,” Mark ordered. “You’ve been exhausting yourself since we left the dock.”

“I’m all right.”

Mark put his hands on his hips. “Well, I’m cold. Let me row.”

“Make way for the chilly poof!” Gretchen whooped. “All right, but you have to tell me if you get tired.”

Mark saluted and they exchanged places.

“Bear right a little,” LaTosha interjected. “I see them. Carolyn says they’re shivering.”

Mark pulled harder on the oars and soon voices reached them across the water.

***

“Look! Someone’s coming!” Kath shouted, standing up and waving her arms.

Gina pulled her back down. “You’ll throw us both overboard, and I’m already freezing. Besides, I smell Carolyn. Carolyn, what’s happening on shore?”

“What did she say?” Kath asked.

Gina shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t hear her. I can only smell that she’s around.”

Kath groaned and pulled the parka around her again. “We should do jumping jacks or something. Stay warm.”

“In a boat?”

“I guess not.” Kath made herself small on the seat.

A few moments later a voice called out, “Gina! Kath? Are you there?”

They both rose to their feet and the boat wobbled. “Here! We’re here!” They jumped up and down and waved.

“Will you two stop hopping like rabbits?” Gretchen called out. “We don’t want to have to fish you out of the lake!”

Their boats bumped together and Gretchen tied them.

“Oh, you guys are our saviors!” Kath gushed as she clambered from one boat to the other. Water sloshed as the oarless boat slid away from the heavier one.

Gina screeched.

“It’s okay, G,” Mark said, reaching toward her. “Give me your hand.”

Gina did and flopped from one boat into the other.

Mark wrapped his arms around her while Gretchen untied the rope holding the boats together, and retied it to tow the empty one.

“I want to row. I’m freezing.” Kath said, and they began the journey toward shore. A cloud of smoke marked their destination, lit from below with the red of dying flames.

***

The bonfire spattered and smoked, the haze making it impossible to tell if any more other-dimensional beings had appeared. Mulwyn stood in the midst of it and poured water onto the flames.

“I wish Gina were here,” Mariah panted, coughing.

“Even Gina might not be able to smell anything through the smoke,” Walter said.

“Yoo-hoo! Are you looking for me?” Gina dashed across the sand to throw her arms around Walter and then Mariah.

Kath and Roger embraced and held each other tight.

“Can you smell if the other-dimensional beings are gone?” Mariah asked.

“Pretty much,” Gina confirmed. “At least for now. Carolyn? Are you still there? Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” LaTosha relayed, and they fell silent. Around them people were scattering into the night as the fire smoked and steamed and hissed into silence.

***

Gretchen cleared her throat and assumed the voice of a radio announcer. “And at the dawn of a new day, MCDI headquarters is packed with witches talking and bandaging wounds sustained in the Great Clown Battle.”

Gina poked her from where she sat wrapped in a blanket, a hot water bottle cradled in her lap. “Oh, stop.”

“What? Don’t you appreciate my sense of humor?”

“Yeah, but ‘Great Clown Battle’?”

“Definitely. That’s how it’ll go down in the history books,” Gretchen said as Jim walked into the crowded office, trailed by Antonai.

“Jim!” Grace squealed. “You made it!”

Jim cast a resentful look in Mariah’s direction. “No thanks to her.”

Mariah spread her hands and kept silent.

Antonai put an arm around Gretchen and said, “I found him dripping in the backseat of the van, but he wouldn’t huddle up next to me to get warm.”

Gretchen looked at Antonai, then Jim, then Antonai, and burst out laughing.

“What?” Antonai wanted to know.

“Just—”

“I’m not the snuggling type,” Jim interrupted. “Especially with men.”

Antonai stared at him. “I didn’t mean it that way!”

Jim turned his back and Gretchen indulged in another radio announcer moment. “Entropy has been pushed back for another little while, thanks to those brave witches of the Stonebridge Coven.”

“And a few others,” Mark added, hooking an arm around Roger’s waist.

Tami nodded without removing the compress from her black eye. “And a whole lot of magic and fruit.”

Gretchen raised an imaginary champagne glass. “Until next time, then, other-dimensional assholes!”

The others lifted their cupped hands in response. “Cheers!”

27 By the Shores of Lake Michigan (Part 2)

Walter and Tami stood on the shore surrounded by a ring of clowns five deep when the cry went up that Shadow Fish had shown himself again.

“We should go help!” Tami gasped before returning to the exorcism ritual. She lashed out to knee an approaching clown between the legs.

The clown screamed and retreated, but too late. A blank look came into his eyes as Tami reached the end of the spell.

“No more possession for you,” Tami muttered.

Walter finished an exorcism and took time to say, “What we’re doing here is at least as important, and we’re not close enough to have an effect on the Fish.” He made eye contact with another clown. “Exorcizo te…“

Tami nodded, already immersed in another exorcism.

One of the other clowns reached for Tami’s wrist, and Tami jerked it back just in time, only to have it captured by another clown, who yanked her off balance.

Tami’s incantation broke off as she stumbled back against Walter. The ruthless clown wrenched at her arm, pulling her still more off-balance.

Distracted, Walter turned, breaking eye contact with the clown he’d been attempting to exorcise. He caught Tami to keep her from falling, but the clowns seized the opportunity to close ranks.

“Start again,” Walter panted.

“Exor…cizo te, immun…dissime—“

Clowns were everywhere, leering with bare or made-up faces. Their hands reached out to pull Tami’s hair and wrench Walter’s arm around behind him.

“Damn it!” Tami shouted. “What is wrong with you people? You let everything come through to our dimension and your life will never be the same!”

A clown with a black and electric blue wig and white contacts gave her a shove. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe we didn’t like the world the way it was?” He raised a fist and slammed it into her face.

Tami crumpled to the pavement at Walter’s feet.

Walter gave up chanting to help her up before the clowns trampled her. Blood streamed down Tami’s face as she stood once more and cowered against Walter’s shoulder.

Meanwhile, the clowns pressed closer.

***

“Ugh, I hate this!” Gina said. “I can’t smell a thing besides clowns. I can’t even tell which clown I’m smelling. There are too many of them.”

“Do we need to smell them if we already know where they are?” Kath asked.

“Good point. Keep exorcising!”

At that moment, a bald clown wearing red pancake instead of white ran by and gave Kath a mighty shove.

“Kath!” Gina shrieked. “Oh, no, we are not having a repeat of Mark!” She plunged into the frigid water of Lake Michigan as Kath surfaced.

“Gina! What happened? Are you all right?”

“Are you?”

“Yeah. I swim a lot. Aside from the cold, I’m fine. How’d you end up in the soup?”

“It was stupid,” Gina said, treading water. “I was going to rescue you.”

Kath’s answering laugh resulted in an inhaled mouthful of water and a coughing fit, which provided Gina with the opportunity to offer assistance after all, and she hauled her spluttering friend over to the dock.

By that time, their teeth were chattering. Gina started to climb back onto the planks, but an unwelcome familiar face loomed above her. “B-b-belinda!” Gina gasped as the clown raised her foot.

A split second later, Gina was under water again and Kath was towing her away from the dock. “What the hell?”

“She was going to trample your hand! But look—there’s an empty boat!”

“G-g-great,” Gina stuttered. “I’m f-freezing.”

Kath struck out for the empty rowboat and Gina followed more slowly. “I’ll hang onto this side while you climb in,” the Iowa City witch said. “We don’t want to flip it over.”

So Gina reached out of the water and got one hand over the side. Then she swung a leg up and slithered into the boat. “Ugh. It’s wet in here.”

“Stay toward your side,” Kath directed as she heaved herself up. The boat lurched, but it didn’t capsize, and once Kath was aboard, the violent rocking subsided.

“Shit,” Gina said. “There are no oars.”

Kath reached behind the rear seat and pulled out an enormous oilskin parka. “No oars, but something warm! Here, have a sleeve.”

Gina crawled back to squeeze onto the seat with Kath, and they each donned a sleeve of the parka.

“You’re a lifesaver. I could just kiss you. I thought I was going to turn blue and die.” She exhibited a trembling hand to prove that her fingers were indeed bluish.

Kath slid an arm around Gina inside the parka. “Come on. Huddle for warmth.”

They sat that way for a few minutes before Gina raised her nose and sniffed. “I smell someone familiar. Carolyn?” She waved her hand through the air and sneezed. “Oh, damn.”

“Carolyn?” Kath asked.

“One of Shadow Fish’s former captive spirits. If anyone’s going to show up for revenge, It’ll be her! Carolyn, if you’re here, could you find LaTosha and tell her and Walter we’re all right, but we’re stuck in a boat?”

***

Mariah and Jim exorcised clown after clown, staying just ahead of the flood.

“Why are there always more?” Jim demanded. “Why haven’t you found a way to banish them all at once?”

“If the other dimension is as over-populated as ours, the spirits are eager for a chance to come through the boundary and possess new bodies. Just keep working.” Mariah dodged a stream of blue fog and pushed the clown into the lake, where he surfaced again minus the possessing haze.

“My voice is hoarse. I didn’t sign on for this kind of thing when I became a witch!”

Mariah sighed. “Jim, if you don’t want to be here, go back and wait in the car, but if you intend to keep the vow you made as a member of MCDI, you’ll stay and do your part.”

“Don’t order me around! You’re not even a member of my coven.”

“Then follow Tami’s orders and stick with me. Let’s do what needs to be done,” Mariah snapped.

***

Gretchen and Antonai stood along the pier farthest from shore and chanted as clown after clown tried to reach Shadow Fish. Behind them, the Fish jumped and writhed in the water.

“Do you think he’s giving the clowns orders?” Gretchen mused, snatching a breath between exorcisms.

“He is,” Antonai confirmed as the Fish crashed back into Lake Michigan, sending a huge splash their way.

Gretchen tried to dodge, but there was nowhere to go. “Damn it! I’m soaked.”

“Clowns!” Antonai warned, and she spun to face the threat.

“I can only get one. You try, too.”

So they breathed in and started chanting as fast as they could. “Exorcizo te, immundissime spiritus….“

Antonai reached the end a heartbeat before Gretchen, and his clown lurched to one side, crumpling into a heap half on and half off the dock. The ex-angel stooped to pull her back onto the dock as Gretchen’s clown reeled, but remained upright.

“What’d you grab her for?” Gretchen asked.

“Couldn’t let her drown.”

“Good point. Hey! You can exorcise clowns. Score one fighter for our dimension!”

Antonai grinned. “I’m just glad it doesn’t banish me!”

“Probably would if we made eye contact and I recited it, but I promise not to.”

***

LaTosha and Grace exorcised their way through a sea of clowns, moving a few steps after each victory.

“Comes in handy having a black belt in karate,” Grace grunted as another clown fell under her hand rather than LaTosha’s words.

“We make a good team,” LaTosha agreed, but the clowns were thicker than ever around them.

“They’re all facing in,” Grace observed. “I wonder if they’ve got some poor witches surrounded up there.”

LaTosha closed her eyes for a moment. “It’s Walter and Tami! Come on!”

Grace took down clown after clown from behind. “I feel so bad! It’s not a fair fight this way. But I guess this was never a fair fight.”

“No.”

They broke through the ring to where Walter stood supporting Tami’s sagging frame.

“Tami!” Grace exclaimed.

Tami raised her blood-streaked face, but Walter didn’t break eye contact with the clown he was exorcising.

LaTosha stopped in her tracks. “Carolyn! Oh, good, you’re here! What? Gina and Kath. Oh, thank the powers that be!”

“Tosha, look out!” Grace screamed, and LaTosha whirled just in time to escape the jet of blue fog aimed toward her open mouth.

“Better chop down some more clowns, Grace,” Tami murmured.

***

Roger didn’t take his eyes from Shadow Fish’s bulk out in the open water. “That’s the Fish?”

Mark shuddered. “Yeah. That’s the Fish. Nearly killed me once, you know.”

“Are these red marks from when he bit you?” Roger asked, tracing a finger down Mark’s cheek.

Mark reached up to feel the swollen scars, and brushed Roger’s hand on the way. “Yeah. That’s some of them.”

Roger’s hand twisted under Mark’s, capturing his fingers in a grip tight enough that Mark let out a squeak.

“Sorry,” Roger breathed as he leaned in and covered Mark’s mouth with his own. Clowns moved in slow motion around them as Mark snaked his free hand around the back of Roger’s neck and returned the kiss.

When they broke apart, time picked back up where it had left off and Mark swallowed. “What just happened?”

“I couldn’t risk anything happening to either of us without tasting those luscious lips. Now if I die at least I’ll have kissed you first.”

“Well, damn. I think that was a compliment,” Mark said.

“Just a miniscule one,” Roger said. “You want a bigger one?”

They were nose to nose again before Mark squeaked and pointed over Roger’s shoulder.

“Rain check? I promise I won’t forget to take you up on it.”

“Deal.” Roger turned to face the oncoming clown.

***

A clown with Pipi Longstocking braids threw herself at Mariah, who kicked out and knocked her backwards. “Exorcizo te—“

“You’re vicious,” Jim interrupted, standing aside with his arms crossed.

“And you’re a menace,” Mariah ground out through gritted teeth. “Do something useful, why don’t you?”

“I’m not the violent sort.”

The clown Mariah had kicked lurched back to her feet and launched herself at Jim. The two of them tumbled wig over shoes into the water with a tremendous splash. Mariah sighed and knelt to give Jim a hand back up.

“Thanks,” he muttered when he stood dripping on the dock once more.

“Mariah?” a voice called, and they both whirled as someone the height of an eight-year-old ran toward them.

“Mulwyn, you’re still around!” Mariah exclaimed. “We thought you must’ve gone home when you disappeared after the police report.”

“Nope. I don’t want to fight my way through God and Satan’s war on the way. I hear things are roiled up there right now.”

“Judging from what’s going on here, that’s an understatement,” Mariah agreed. “Jim, this is Mulwyn. He’s from the next dimension beyond God and Satan’s. Jim’s a member of one of our sister covens.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Mulwyn said, reaching out to shake Jim’s hand.

Jim ignored the gesture toward friendship to demand, “What are you?”

“He’s an elf. Would you grow up, Jim, or do I have to report you to MCDI when this is over?”

“You threaten to report me? You’re the one consorting with other-dimensional creatures! They don’t belong here. Just think what you’re doing to the balance!”

“Nothing compared to what the Society for Holiness on Earth is doing, and nothing compared even to what clowns do on a daily basis by allowing themselves to be possessed. There are reasons we’ve been having so much trouble recently, and they have nothing to do with the usual low-level exchange between dimensions.”

“You’re fraternizing with the enemy!” Jim shouted. He shoved a clown headlong into the water and stomped off down the dock.

“I’m sorry,” Mulwyn said. “Should I leave?”

Mariah shook her head. “No. I think Jim was just looking for a reason to claim superiority and desert us. He’s someone who’s never satisfied. Now I understand why LaTosha found his energy disturbing the first time we met him.”

“I see,” said the elf. “Well, then, what’s next?”

TO BE CONTINUED….

26 By the Shores of Lake Michigan (Part 1)

The phone rang while the Stonebridge and Iowa City covens were still clustered around Mariah and Gretchen’s kitchen table drinking hot chocolate.

“Maybe it’s MCDI,” Mark guessed as Mariah went to answer.

“Hope so,” Gina said. “I’m ready to be done with these compound invasions.”

“Is a compound invasion anything like a compound fracture in the dimensional boundary?”

“I don’t think so,” Walter replied. “Once the boundary has been thinned, invasions are carried out by whatever beings get through. The thinner the boundary, the more slip through any given spot.”

Mariah reentered the kitchen and everyone fell silent. “I have news.”

“MCDI wants us to come to Chicago?” Mark asked.

“Yes. The Society for Holiness on Earth is planning a ceremony tonight, so we’re being called upon to help intervene.”

“Not much warning is it?” Tami commented.

“We’re close enough to make it in time,” Walter said. “Everyone go home and get packed.”

“We brought enough when we came here, so we’ll be fine,” Kath said.

“Should we ask if Lisa wants to come?” Gina asked.

“She shouldn’t miss the experience if her parents will let her come,” Walter said.

“Then I’ll handle the Lisa-liaising while I get my stuff.” Gina pulled out her cell phone and headed for her car.

“Hey, wait for me!” Mark cried, rushing after her.

Forty minutes after everyone had left, Lisa barged in through the front door, trailed by her mother. “Oh, good! You guys are still here. I thought you might, like, leave without me.”

“You must’ve packed like lightning. No one else is back yet,” Gretchen assured her.

“Just what will this trip entail?” Mrs. Heathcliffe asked. “I convinced Herb it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but I also promised I’d get a full explanation of the task.”

“It sounds like it’ll be a more intense version of the usual,” Mariah said. “We’ll make sure Lisa keeps out of danger.”

“Mariah,” Lisa whined. “Why bother taking me if I don’t get to help?”

Mrs. Heathcliffe jumped in again. “Lisa, I promised your father you’d be safe. You know he still doesn’t approve of witchcraft.”

Lisa took a breath, opened her mouth, glanced at her mother, and said, “Okay, Mom. I promise I’ll listen to Walter.”

“Good. That will keep us both from worrying too much. Have a good time, dear. I’m proud of you.”

As soon as she left, Lisa turned back to Mariah. “Are you really going to make me leave when there’s a chance I can do something useful?”

“I think you made the decision yourself by promising your mother. I’ll do my best to help you keep your word.”

“We all will,” Gretchen agreed.

“But I only promised to desert you if Walter told me to, so can you, like, tell Walter not to make me leave?”

“No can do, kid. Sorry.” Gretchen shouldered her duffel bag and put a hand on the doorknob. “You want to ride with us? We’re going to take Mariah’s car and Walter’s, and let the Iowa City folks drive their van.”

“Um, okay, I guess. Is Gina riding with you?”

“Probably not. Walter’s car is bigger.”

“Oh,” Lisa said, but she followed Gretchen out to Mariah’s Neon.

By late afternoon, everyone had reassembled and, after some shuffling between cars, they hit the road. Walter led the way in his station wagon with LaTosha, Gretchen, Mark, and Antonai. Mariah followed with Gina and Lisa, and the Iowa City coven brought up the rear. The oranges and reds of sunset reflected from the pools of snowmelt on the fields as they drove.

***

“This is going to be fun!” Lisa exclaimed as they joined the Chicago traffic hours later.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Gina cautioned. “This is going to be one of our hardest fights yet.”

“How do you know?”

“We don’t, but it’s better to assume it will be a challenge than a piece of cake,” Mariah said. “I’m not saying it’ll be beyond us, just that we need to stay alert.”

“Besides, Mark said something about it when we were going to get our stuff, and you know how he accidentally says things that are true,” Gina said. “Okay, will you guys do me a favor and ignore me while I relocate my nose?”

***

“You know, Mark, you predicted who was calling before Mariah answered the phone,” Gretchen said as they passed an L stop between the northbound and southbound lanes.

“Oh, hush, Gretch. That was just a coincidence. Besides, everyone’s been waiting for MCDI to call.”

“Yeah, but sometimes you say things and they turn out to be true—more than the average person,” she overrode his attempted protest.

“Yes, he does, Gretch,” LaTosha said. “Does it worry you?”

“I guess it’s just, if you’re in a sensitive psychic mood, maybe watch what you say? We don’t want the wrong prediction coming true.”

“Um, I don’t make things happen with a careless word, Gretch. All I am is a reporting device. Other-dimensional-weather-radio Mark…right, Walter?”

“Right, Mark,” LaTosha answered. “I’ve read a lot about your psychic abilities since they’re related to my empathy, but I’ve never read about a psychic’s off-hand comments making things happen. Plenty of people never realize they’re psychic even when they make jokes that are right on the mark.”

Mark groaned.

“Sorry, unintentional bad pun. What I’m trying to say is that the events in question are already in progress before the prediction.”

“So, like the phone rang before I said it was MCDI.”

“Right. There’s never been a case discovered in which the psychic has made things happen with a comment.”

“It still seems like it could happen,” Gretchen maintained.

“Oh, it does, but never to psychics like Mark. It’s a separate talent, but more like a curse unless you realize what you’ve got. How would you like it if you were pitching a hissy fit and you told your mama, ‘I hate you! I wish you’d die!’ …and then she did?

“My friend Jenn and I were playing in the sandbox and I heard her say that. Later her mama was on the way to pick her brother up from Little League when she got into a car accident.

“My mama knew enough to recognize the phenomenon and she helped Jenn some, but that’s something you never get over, even after you learn to watch your words. Mark hasn’t got that.”

“Damn,” Gretchen said, subdued. “I’d never wish that on you, Mark.”

Mark shuddered. “I’ll stick with inconvenient foreknowledge.”

***

There was a crowd outside MCDI headquarters, and several employees circulated through it, including Kenneth, whom they’d met on their last visit. He approached Walter and said, “One member from each coven should come get your assignment. The Society is moving fast, so we need to be as efficient as possible.”

Walter followed him upstairs, and Tami went as Iowa City’s representative.

Antonai fidgeted. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come.”

“Is the crowd of witches getting to you?” Gretchen asked.

“No. I keep wondering if I’m going to get banished. I might not be able to find my way back here once we defeat the Society and the boundary thickens. Even with this.” Antonai flashed the pomegranate hidden under his jacket.

“Oh, I didn’t think of that,” Gretchen said, going pale.

“I mean, what if someone near me says the words of banishment while I’m holding my pomegranate?”

“Nothing will happen because they haven’t primed the pomegranate,” Mariah pointed out, ever logical.

“But if you see one hovering, you skedaddle, okay?” Gretchen ordered, putting her hands on Antonai’s shoulders and looking into his eyes.

“Yes, I will.” Antonai bent to her lips despite the crowd, while Mark swatted at them.

“Get a room, you two! Antonai, you’ll be fine.”

Meanwhile, Jim turned his back on a heated argument with the rest of his coven and tapped Mariah’s shoulder.

“What’s up, Jim?”

“I don’t think he should come.” He jabbed a finger at Antonai.

“Jim!” Kath hauled him backwards.

“He’ll just turn on us!”

“I’ve seen him fight for our side. What more proof do you need?”

“Letting you cuddle with him is not fighting for our side,” Jim snapped. “He’s a huge risk.”

“We’re all taking a risk just by being here,” Lisa declared. “If you don’t like Antonai you can, like, go jump in the lake. It’s…that way.” She flung her arm wide to show him the way. “At least, I think it is.”

Kath chuckled. “It is. Go jump in the lake if you need to cool off, Jim.”

Before the argument could go any farther, Walter and Tami returned.

“We’re assigned to the lakefront,” Walter reported. “Shadow Fish has been spotted in the water with a mixed army. MCDI wants as many of us as they can spare to work on that problem while others fight smaller infestations throughout Chicago. The Society’s ceremony is scheduled to take place in the marina where we’re stationed.”

“Great. The damned Fish,” Mark muttered.

“You’ll be fine, Mark,” Gretchen said, her fingertip tracing a line across his cheek where Shadow Fish’s bites had faded to near invisibility.

Mark brightened. “Maybe we’ll see Carolyn again!”

They followed Walter and Tami’s directions and joined the crowd of witches gathered on the docks. A bonfire crackled on the sand nearby, its light reflected on the rippling water.

“Walter, those boats are full of clowns,” LaTosha said.

“And they reek,” Gina added, holding her nose.

“There shouldn’t be boats in the water at this time of year,” Roger said, scratching the stubble on his chin. “They should all be in dry dock.”

Here and there knots of witches uttered spells at the clowns, but the clowns only laughed and opened their mouths to send streams of blue fog toward their attackers.

“They’re possessing everyone!” Gina shouted. “Walter, do something!”

“I can’t do this on my own,” Walter said. “All of you face off with a clown and recite the exorcism spell. Kenneth said MCDI’s researchers believe the exorcism is so strong that it may make the body impervious to possession in the future. Tami, if your people don’t know the words, pair up with us until you learn them.”

“Sure thing. I’ll stick with you if I may. Jim, you go with Mariah; Grace with LaTosha, Kath with Gina, and Roger with Mark.”

***

Mark and Roger headed away from the group and stopped opposite a boat carrying a single clown. She looked up at them and sneered.

“I can feel the creepiness even without the makeup,” Roger remarked.

Mark nodded and began to chant. “Exorcizo te, immundissime spiritus….“

The clown gave a mighty yell and lunged toward the dock, pulling herself half out of her boat and startling Mark into stumbling backwards across the narrow walkway.

***

Kath and Gina stood opposite a bobbing sailboat with a crew of five clowns leering up at them, though only one was in full make-up.

“Mark’s a cutie,” Kath said. “Which probably means he’s gay. I always like the gay ones.”

“Yup. Totally queer.”

“You know, no matter how many times I hope they’re just metro, they’re always gay.” Kath sighed. “Right. So how do we banish clowns?”

“Well, technically it’s an exorcism since we only get rid of the spirit, not the body.” Gina started to chant while Kath glared at the clowns and listened.

The clowns pulled on the rope tethering their boat to the dock, reeling themselves closer.

“Is it working?” Kath asked.

Gina shrugged without breaking the flow of her chant.

The clowns’ boat bumped the dock, and they disembarked in a swarm. “Hail to the Fish!”

Kath looked toward open water and gasped.

***

Roger caught Mark with an arm around his back. “Wow, that was close. You almost fell in the lake.”

“Thought that was Jim’s job,” Mark quipped with a quiver in his voice. “I fucking hate clowns.”

“You all right?”

“I will be once we finish this exorcism.”

But the clown they’d chosen had deserted the scene of their confrontation, dodging away down the dock as other clowns sent streams of blue fog arcing from boat to dock. Mark flinched away as one passed near his left ear. “Just don’t ever let them get in your mouth,” he warned Roger, who wasn’t listening.

“Holy shit! What’s that?” The Iowa City witch pointed toward the open water.

Mark shrieked. “It’s the Fish!”

TO BE CONTINUED…

25 Cooperation

LaTosha’s cell phone vibrated a few minutes before the library at Stonebridge High was due to close. She glanced at its screen, saw Walter’s name, and flipped the phone open.

“What’s up, Walter?”

“I wanted to let you know that reinforcements have arrived in the form of the Iowa City coven. MCDI asked them to help with our angel-gargoyle intrusion. Can you meet us at Mariah and Gretchen’s house?”

LaTosha glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to keep the library open for ten more minutes in case any of the students need to check out books at the last minute. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“We’ll need some mangos if you could stop and grab a few.”

“Will do. I’ll see you guys soon.”

The library stayed quiet for the next five minutes, and after a last turn through the stacks, LaTosha switched off the lights and locked the door behind her.

***

“How’s your nose feeling today, G?” Mark asked as LaTosha’s car rounded the corner and LaTosha jumped out.

“Better. It’s still not a hundred percent, but at least I can smell again.”

“Do you think you can relocate it?” Walter asked.

Gina shrugged. “Yeah, sure. Besides, it’s really our best chance of finding the escapees, isn’t it?”

“So explain this to me again,” Tami said. “You do something to your nose so it thinks it’s in the other dimension?”

“Pretty much. I only partly understand it myself, but the smells don’t translate from one dimension to another. If we went there, none of the natives would smell us, either.”

“Unless there’s a spell that’s the same but opposite,” Mark pointed out.

“Right. So give me a minute and I’ll take care of it. Then we can hunt down some invaders!” She took herself upstairs to perform the spell in peace.

Roger looked from one Stonebridge witch to the next and shook his head. “You all take this in stride like it’s no big deal. How do you do that?”

“Well, our house has a lot of other-dimensional activity,” Mariah explained. “This whole town does, really. I’m not sure what makes the boundary thinner here than in other places, but we’ve had a lot of practice.”

“I have to admit, I’ve gotten kind of used to succeeding in our crusade against invasion, but in the beginning, it wasn’t unusual for even gremlins to escape us, and they’re considered one of the easiest beings to banish,” Gretchen said.

“Your competence still amazes me.”

LaTosha walked in through the front door without knocking, stamping snow from her shoes. She held out a grocery bag. “I’ve got five mangoes. I hope that’ll be enough.”

“Unless our fugitives have joined forces with others, five is more than enough. Right?” Mark glanced at Walter.

Walter inclined his head. “If we’re only after the original three, yes.”

Gina’s feet drummed a skipping rhythm on the steps, and she rejoined them in the living room. “Antonai wants to come with us,” she said, and then her eyes widened as she looked toward Tami, Roger, Kath, Jim, and Grace

“Antonai? That doesn’t sound like an American name,” Kath observed.

“He’s my boyfriend,” Gretchen said before anyone else could stammer an answer. “He’s not a witch.”

“But he knows you are? Sure, tell him to come along,” Tami said.

So Gretchen climbed the stairs and returned hand in hand with Antonai. He looked the strange coven over and put a hand to his baseball cap.

“Antonai!” Gina gasped.

“What?” Antonai scratched his cheek instead of taking off his cap. “I thought you brought me down to introduce me…?”

“Well, I…shit.” Gretchen rubbed a hand through her hair. She looked everywhere but at the members of the Iowa City coven. “Um, I—”

“Antonai and Gretchen are dating,” Gina reiterated.

“Yeah, we kind of got that. Are you a lesbian who’s coming out as bi or something?” Tami asked.

Gretchen’s mouth opened and closed without making a sound.

“Look! She’s a fish!” Jim exclaimed.

“No! Don’t you ever call my friend a fish!” Mark shouted, jumping between Jim and Gretchen. “The Fish is just as bad as God and Satan!”

“What the hell?”

“The Fish—his full name is Shadow Fish—is a third power in the other dimension,” Walter explained. “Mark was bitten by him, and it was only Antonai’s intervention and bravery that saved his life.”

Jim poked at the linoleum with his toe. “Oh. Sorry.”

“No, it’s all right. I just don’t like fish, and I like Gretch a lot.” Mark paused. “And Antonai went to the other dimension and braved the pits of fire to save my life. I owe him everything.”

In the silence that followed, Antonai reached up once more and took off his baseball cap. His horns stood above his flattened curls, and everyone went completely still.

“Um, Gretchen,” Tami squeaked, pointing toward Antonai’s horns.

Gretchen took a deep breath. “Well, now that Antonai’s come out of the closet, I guess all I have to say is I know, and he’s still my boyfriend.” She moved closer and put her arm around Antonai’s waist. “Anyone want to argue with me?”

Jim raised his hand. “Well, he’s a demon.”

“Ex,” Antonai corrected.

“And he’s been an angel, too,” Gretchen added. “Look, we all know demons and angels are equally bad to deal with. Antonai left that behind because it didn’t work for him. He’s on our side now.”

“How can he be on our side when ‘our side’ means keeping out the other dimension’s inhabitants?” Jim demanded.

“I no longer consider myself an inhabitant of that dimension,” Antonai said. “I may have been born there, but this is my home now.”

“But—”

“Jim, if Gretchen’s in love with this guy and he’s not interfering with their duty to keep our dimension free of invaders, I say he’s fine,” Grace said.

Tami shot another glance at Antonai. “Ditto.”

“But—”

“Look, it’s like America being independent from Britain, but British people come live here a lot. They’re not trying to undermine us from the inside so we’re cool with them. Right Antonai?”

“I don’t know anything about your history, but it sounds right. I’ve chosen to make this dimension my home, and that means I’m not interested in the games that God and Satan play.”

“If that’s the way he feels it’s good enough for me,” Tami said. “Shall we find those pesky invaders now, and leave Antonai in peace?”

Jim opened his mouth.

“Are you going to be civil?” Kath asked.

Jim shut his mouth.

“Okay. I guess we start by following the trail they left when they ran out of here, huh?” Gina asked.

Walter cleared his throat. “If you can still smell it.”

“Yup. It’s fading, but lucky for us it hasn’t rained or snowed, so the smell hasn’t washed away or gotten buried.”

“Were you a dog in a previous life?” Roger asked.

“I always thought she was a mouse,” Gretchen put in.

“I was not!” Gina said. “Yeah, Roger, I was a prize-winning hunting dog.”

Roger laughed.

“After watching you back at FantForm, I’ll believe that,” Tami said. “Really, she was amazing, Rog.”

Gina opened the back door, closed her eyes and sniffed. “Okay, I know which way they went. You guys ready?”

After a flurry of donning coats and hats and gloves, they followed her into the snow.

“I can’t believe you don’t even wear a scarf,” Tami marveled at Antonai.

“Trust me when I say he’s warm enough as he is,” Gretchen said with a wink.

Tami hid a laugh behind her hand as Gina crunched over the snow and headed down the hill toward downtown.

“Oh, it’s getting stronger,” she said, when they had reached the bottom of the bluff.

They wandered through downtown after her, meandering among the restaurants and shops toward the Mississippi. Sheena was standing outside Krissi’s, hand in hand with a new woman, and she waved and called out as they went by. “What’re you up to?”

“The usual,” Mark replied. “Following Gina’s nose!”

“Just as long as she doesn’t lead you to me.”

Gina glanced toward the restaurant. “Nope! Enjoy your date.”

They made it almost to the river before Gina stopped and took a step backwards, pointing to a shadowed alley. “They’re in there.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Gretchen asked.

“I can’t go in there.”

“That’s the alley where we lost you, isn’t it?” Mariah asked.

Gina nodded and pressed her back against the nearest storefront. “I’m not going in there.”

Walter stepped toward the alley. “Okay, here’s what we’ll do. Gina, Antonai, Mariah, and LaTosha stay here. Everyone else is going to investigate this alleyway. If we find the angel or the gargoyles, the first thing we have to do is lure at least one of the gargoyles away from the others. Once it’s far enough away, we’ll be able to whisper enough to work the spells. Until then we’re powerless.”

Walter started down the alley, but Kath stopped him. “Before we go in there, do you have any ideas for how to separate them?”

“My best guess is to imagine you’re faced with whatever scares you most. The gargoyles can tell what that is, and they’ll transform into it. If you can keep your head enough to remember our job, you can draw them away.”

“Aye aye!”

Walter started to protest and then shrugged. “Let’s go, crew.”

“So they’re down there somewhere, huh, Gina?” Mariah asked as the others disappeared into the shadows.

“I think so. If they’d just passed through, it wouldn’t smell as strong.” She fidgeted as the minutes passed.

***

Grace reached the trio of invaders first and the angel stretched.

“Oh, look. We have some more pathetic natives who think they’re going to send us home. We’ve had a good day’s sleep. Now we’ll show them what we’re made of!”

Kath and Roger backed against the opposite brick wall as the gargoyles shifted to become the stone lions now familiar from the Lion Palisade computer game.

Roger gave a squeak and crumpled into a heap with his hands over his head to ward off the advancing gargoyles, but Kath shoved herself away from the wall and took off down the alley toward where Gina, Mariah, LaTosha, and Antonai waited.

***

“Someone’s coming!” Mariah said, extracting a mango from her bag.

Kath and her perusing gargoyle shot from the mouth of the alley, and the four formed a living blockade across the opening. Antonai caught Kath as she stumbled, saving her from a fall on the concrete, and Gina stepped in front of the stone lion while LaTosha seized its tail.

The gargoyle changed back into its natural form, but since it still had a tail, LaTosha’s hold didn’t falter. She gritted her teeth and hung on. “Go ahead, banish it.”

Mariah held out the mango and bade it hover while Gina withdrew a mirror with trembling hands and held it in front of the other-dimensional creature, with the mango in the middle.

“Through the unseen gateway behind, into your own home be now reflected,” Mariah whispered, and the mango pushed the stony form toward LaTosha, who let go of its tail and stepped out of the way as it faded into the space between dimensions and then disappeared entirely.

“Nice job,” Mariah said. “I’m going to see how the others are doing.”

***

Walter faced off against the angel, pomegranate in hand, while Grace and Jim tried to convince Roger to stand up to the gargoyle looming over him.

“I can’t, I can’t,” Roger whimpered.

Walter made the pomegranate hover and then held up a mirror and whispered, “Through the unseen gateway behind, into your own home be now reflected.”

The pomegranate started toward the angel, who looked down at it as though he had only just realized that it posed a threat now that Walter could speak again. Then he was pushed against the brick wall and disappeared into the other dimension.

Meanwhile, Gretchen and Mark had pulled out their own tools of the trade. Mark held the mirror while Gretchen hovered the mango and spoke the incantation. The stone lion pushed against the fruit’s inexorable force, but moved backwards and disappeared in spite of its galloping legs.

“Did you see it moonwalking?” Mark asked.

“R-really?” Roger asked.

“Yup, Stone Lion Jackson,” Gretchen said. “You all right, Roger?”

“Better now. Stupid, isn’t it? I don’t know why I’m scared of them.”

“Good thing, since one of them stayed with each of you. That’s what made it possible for us to banish them.”

“How is everyone?” Mariah asked as she arrived on the scene.

“Success,” Walter told her. “And we couldn’t have done it without Roger and Kath.”

They rejoined Gina and LaTosha. Antonai was still supporting Kath, who huddled against him, shivering.

“Hey, watch out. That’s my boyfriend you’re hanging on,” Gretchen teased with a wink.

Kath looked up with a faint hysterical giggle. “Don’t worry. I just want to steal his heat. He’s all yours once I’m warm.”

“Come on home,” Mariah said. “I’ll make everyone hot chocolate.”

“Hot chocolate fixes everything!” Mark chimed in, and they began the trek back uphill.

24 Complications

“Hi, Mariah. Apricots are finally coming back into season, so I’ve bought a handful.” LaTosha held the phone in one hand and unpacked groceries with the other. “When do you want to take care of those pesky bugs?”

“Whenever you want. You can even come over now.”

“Great. And you know the spell variation?”

“Gretch memorized it, but we’ve got it on paper in case she forgets.”

Twenty minutes later, LaTosha’s tires crunched over the gravel driveway at Mariah and Gretchen’s house on the crest of the hill. Antonai met her at the door, toothbrush in hand.

“What’s going on?” LaTosha asked.

“Mariah’s nephew Bobby is visiting and we’re painting with toothbrushes.”

Mariah appeared in the kitchen doorway wearing a paint-splattered smock and brandishing a dripping paintbrush.

“Mariah, you didn’t tell me you were busy,” LaTosha said.

Mariah shrugged. “I didn’t think it would be a problem. Bobby’s bound to learn about witchcraft someday anyway. My brother may think it’s a bunch of hooey, but Bobby’s mom’s been a member of a coven for years.”

A boy about seven years old ducked under Mariah’s arm to stare at the newcomer. He had sandy reddish hair, freckles, and a missing front tooth. “What’s going on?”

“This is LaTosha. She came over to help us with a little project we’ve been putting off.”

“Hi, Bobby. Do you want to watch us send some spies back to another dimension?”

Bobby’s eyes widened. “Spies? Cool! Are they dangerous? Did you capture them while they were shooting at you?” He pantomimed shooting a gun, complete with suitable explosive sound effects.

Mariah tousled his hair. “Nope. They’re really little spies. Come on, we’ll show you.”

They trooped upstairs to the guest room where the bug aquarium resided.

Gretchen took care of the formalities. “Bugs, this is Bobby. Bobby, meet bugs.”

“Whoa! What are they?”

“Servants of either God or Satan. They watch and listen and then go back and report everything we’ve said.”

“Are they like lizards? Can I hold one?”

“Sure why not?” Antonai said.

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” Mariah argued.

“Does it matter if they see a kid?” Gretchen asked. “The spell will wipe their memories.”

“One bit you, Gretch.”

“Yeah, but it didn’t break the skin or anything.”

“Well…I suppose if you don’t let go of it, Bobby. And be careful of the teeth.” Mariah reached into the aquarium snag one of the four-legged lizard-spider-bugs and handed it to her nephew.

Bobby held it up to his face, looked into its eyes and said, “Hi. You’re funny-looking.”

“Keep an eye on him, will you Antonai?” Gretchen asked. “We’ll take care of the rest of them.”

Mariah propped a mirror against the side of the aquarium as LaTosha took the apricots out of the grocery bag and dropped them inside where the bugs sniffed at them curiously.

“Well, that’s different. Never saw an other-dimensional being that wasn’t scared of fruit—except Antonai.”

“Oh, I was scared. But it was my way back to you, so it was a fear I was willing to face and a risk I was prepared to take.”

By now the bugs were nibbling on the apricots and showing no ill effects from their contact with the fruit.

“Da—” Gretchen glanced at Bobby. “—ng. No wonder the book warned you not to let them eat the apricots. They actually like them! Right. I’d better do this because if one eats a whole apricot its memories will solidify and the forgetting part of the spell won’t work.”

Mariah looked startled. “I didn’t read that part. Where did it say that?”

“In the notes at the very end of the entry. Here goes.” Gretchen cleared her throat. “Through the unseen gateway behind, stripped of memory, forgetful of purpose, be now reflected.”

Each apricot rolled toward a bug, pushing them away from the mirror, and before they’d reached the opposite side of the aquarium, they’d disappeared into their home dimension.

“Sure hope the memory thing worked as well as the banishment,” Gretchen said as she let out her breath. “Last one! Say goodbye now, Bobby.”

“Aww, can’t I keep him, Aunt Mariah?”

“No. He’ll be happier back at home. You know, the way birds are happier flying around and pooping in trees than they are in a cage in the living room.”

Bobby pouted, but he held out the last remaining bug and they repeated the spell.

“I hate to admit it,” Gretchen said, “but I’m going to miss the ugly little buggers. I got used to having them here.”

“There will always be more other-dimensional activity to contend with. I wish MCDI would tell Walter they need us in Chicago. Waiting is making me anxious,” Mariah confessed.

“There are always more, but these guys weren’t just any other-dimensional invaders. They lived here for so long it was almost like they belonged here.”

“Yeah, like my weirdo friend,” Bobby said.

“Who?”

“I told you about him, remember? He got here the same day I did. He lives in the basement and eats onions.”

Silence fell.

Gretchen’s voice shook when she whispered, “Antonai, you moved out of the basement.”

“And I learned to eat other things.”

“Then…?”

“I think we have another visitor,” Mariah said. “Shit.”

“I told you about him! You said he could stay!” Bobby stamped his foot. “You promised!”

Mariah shook her head. “I guess I didn’t understand what you meant.”

“We thought he had an imaginary friend,” Gretchen whispered to LaTosha before she asked Bobby, “Did you talk to him much?”

“I told him about visiting you because Mommy and Daddy are on vacation. He said I could visit him sometime, too.”

“No!” exclaimed Mariah, Gretchen, LaTosha, and Antonai in unison.

“Why not? It’s not fair!”

“Would now be a good time to call Walter?” Antonai asked.

***

When Walter, Mark, and Gina arrived, they formed ranks and prepared to descend into the basement.

Gina sneezed.

“Gasungdox,” Bobby said.

Gina blew her nose on a pink and purple checked handkerchief. “Thanks, kid. Ugh, I hate having colds.”

“Antonai, you stay here with Bobby, and we’ll do our best to make short work of this,” Walter said, pomegranate in hand.

Bobby fought Antonai’s hold on his shoulder. “Don’t scare him away like the spies! Let him stay!”

Gretchen squatted to meet Bobby’s eyes. “This guy is way more dangerous than the spies. He can do worse things than a gun, and he wants to take over the world for his master. We have to get rid of him.”

“He’s my only friend here. I hate this place. I want to go home!”

“Your mom and dad will be back for you after school on Wednesday. Just a few more days.”

“Besides, we’re your friends, too,” LaTosha added. “If you want, you can come over to my house and meet my cats after we’re done.”

Bobby looked at Mariah, clearly expecting her to say no, but she smiled and said, “Just be patient and we’ll all go.”

“Come on, Bobby. Let’s go in the other room,” Antonai said.

The coven descended into darkness. At the bottom of the stairs Mariah pulled a dangling string and the light snapped on to illuminate the basement and the hulking bulk of the furnace crouched in one corner.

“Come out of there!” Walter ordered, but his voice was no more than a whisper.

They exchanged glanced and Gretchen mouthed, “Gargoyle!”

Walter gave a nod, and they approached the furnace.

“Walter,” Mariah whispered. “We don’t have a mango.”

Walter’s response was cut short by the figures emerging from behind the furnace. A sandy-haired, golden-horned version of Antonai emerged, flanked by not one, but two gargoyles in their natural stony shapes.

“Whom do you serve?” Walter asked, but though his lips moved, not a sound came out. He tried again with the same effect.

Mariah laid a hand on his arm and held up two fingers, nodding slightly toward first one gargoyle and then the other.

Walter nodded, but gave LaTosha the pomegranate anyway. She held it in midair, mouthing the word to make it hover, but when she took her hand away it wobbled for a moment and fell with a wet thud to the brick floor.

“God’s word is law,” the angel intoned, unaffected by the unnatural silence.

One gargoyle shifted its form, becoming a clown with flashing stars painted around its eyes.

Mark screeched, tripping over his own feet as he tried to back away. Gina caught him and led a cautious retreat toward the stairs.

Walter held up his hands to ward off the angel and mouthed the word “Stop!” but to no effect, and finally he, too, was forced to take one slow backwards step at a time.

The angel darted forward and pushed Walter aside. Then, with his gargoyles in his wake, he darted up the stairs two at a time.

“Bobby!” Mariah yelled as the gargoyles’ departure released their hold over her vocal cords. “Antonai, take Bobby somewhere safe!”

They pounded up the stairs in pursuit to find the new angel in the kitchen facing off with Antonai. There was no sign of Bobby.

“Bobby!” Mariah mouthed, but once again no sound came out. She ran from the room and her footsteps thudded overhead.

“You can’t win,” Antonai rasped. “This isn’t your home. Go back where you belong.”

“This will be my home. I see you’ve made it yours.”

“It’s only temporary,” Antonai ground out.

Gretchen wrapped her arms around herself as tears pooled in her eyes.

“Fool. I know who you are and I know your story. It doesn’t matter what you want because your days are numbered!”

The gargoyles transformed at once into giant dogs and threw Antonai to the floor. The angel swept past him to the door before anyone could block the way, and was gone. The gargoyles changed into mice and scuttled out as the screen door closed.

Antonai hauled himself to his feet and went to Gretchen, stooping to whisper something in her ear. She unwrapped her arms and put them around Antonai instead.

“Mariah! You can bring Bobby out now,” Mark shouted into the house in general.

They came down the stairs holding hands. Bobby’s face was streaked with tears and he let Mariah pull him into her lap as she sank into a chair. “What happened?”

“They got away,” Walter admitted.

“We haven’t failed this miserably since we were brand new to witchcraft,” Mark said glumly.

“Yes. Our spells have been getting stronger, but it appears that the other dimension has also been getting stronger as the boundary thins.” Walter shook his head. “The Society for Holiness has no idea what they’re really unleashing on the world.”

“MCDI had better get a move on!” Gina said. “We can’t handle more of this.” She took out her handkerchief again.

“Don’t you think we should chase him down, Walter?” Mark asked. “I mean, I knew it was just a gargoyle, not a real clown, but what if they come across someone who doesn’t know what they’re facing?”

“I can’t smell anything right now,” Gina confessed.

“Without Gina’s nose, we have no way of tracking them, but everyone keep your eyes and ears open, and start carrying mangoes and pomegranates everywhere you go. If you find them, call us first and then try to separate the gargoyles so your words will be effective. I’ll call MCDI and tell them we need help.”

“Damn. And I was so proud of us,” Gretchen said bitterly.

“There’s no shame in asking for help when you need it, and far more in failing because you were too proud to ask. Mariah, make sure you know where Bobby is all the time. Bobby, listen to your aunt. Take care, everyone. Things are coming to a boil.”

23 Virus (Part 2)

“I smell…wait. I smell a clown? How can I smell a clown? Tami, is there something you’re not telling us?” Gina backed away from the Iowan witch.

Tami held up her hands. “Shit, no! Clowns scare the living piss out of me.”

“It’s not Tami,” LaTosha confirmed.

“Then someone’s behind that door!” Gina tugged on the office door across the hall from the supply cabinet, but it wouldn’t budge.

Gretchen rummaged in the cabinet and emerged with a paper clip. “Move aside, Gina.”

“Since when have you known how to pick locks?” Mark demanded.

Gretchen grinned. “Since about eighth grade when I had a hooligan boyfriend.”

Within moments, the lock clicked and the door swung back. Mark backed into the supply cabinet with an echoing thud. “Don’t let it get me!”

Tami raised one eyebrow at him then turned back to the unfolding scene.

A man in a coverall pushed a vacuum cleaner out of the office that had formerly been locked and leered in LaTosha’s direction. “Can I help you folks?”

LaTosha leaned closer to Mark and said, “Even without the makeup, he’s obviously a clown. There’s something unnatural about the way his mouth stretches.”

Mark shuddered and nodded.

“I haven’t got any bees in this bag,” Mariah admitted. “You want to do the honors this time, Walter?”

As soon as Walter started chanting, the clown in janitor’s clothing took one step back and then another before he crumpled to the floor in a heap, eyes closed.

“Will he be all right?” Tami asked.

“He’ll be fine, but he won’t be able to call the possessing spirit to him for a very long time.”

“There’s a lot we could learn from you, I think.”

Running footsteps pounded toward them and a man and woman skidded to a halt, panting and hanging onto opposite sides of the doorframe. “Is everything all right? We heard a crash. What happened to him?”

“Jim, Grace, these are the Stonebridge witches MCDI sent to help us out. Stonebridge coven, this is Jim and Grace.”

“What did happen?” Jim wanted to know, still breathing hard.

“He was possessed. Like a clown.”

“Dang! Clown possession is real? I thought that was just a rumor.”

“You need to do some more reading,” Walter remarked. “All right, Gina, what’s next?”

“More gremlins, I think, but not on this floor.”

Tami stepped aside and swung her arm toward the door. “Lead the way.”

“What about him?” Jim demanded.

“He’ll still be here when we get back,” Walter said. “The last clowns we exorcised were still groggy hours later.”

“Oh.” And with a backward glance, Jim followed as Gina marched along one corridor after another, and down two floors where she paused to sniff the air. Then she pushed open a door.

“Hey, G, that’s a men’s bathroom,” Mark pointed out.

Gina glanced up at the sign on the door and shrugged, so they all crowded in, looking to her for the next instruction. She raised her nose and inhaled, then pointed toward the stall on the end.

“What’re gremlins doing in a bathroom?” Tami asked. “There’s nothing to eat here.”

Gina splayed her fingers and applied a light pressure to the stall door, which swung open to reveal a gremlin squatting atop the pipes up against the wall with a book halfway into its mouth.

Mariah and LaTosha whipped out the proper equipment and banished the gremlin, and Gretchen caught the book before it landed in the toilet bowl.

“What?” she said in response to their raised eyebrows. “I wanted to see what it thought was so tasty. Hm. Oswald the Odiferous’ Bathroom Reader.”

“No way, let me see that.” Mark held up the book, but the unchewed spine clearly confirmed the title. “Ugh. This thing’s wet. Gremlin slobber.” He gave a twitch and tossed the book away.

It landed on the floor at Gretchen’s feet, and she stared at it for a minute. “You’re right. I’m not sure I want to touch it again.”

“Time to move on, guys. I smell imps.”

Tami sighed. “Really? They’re just hitting us with everything they’ve got, aren’t they?”

“No kidding,” Grace muttered.

“They must really want the gremlin virus to spread. That would make you guys their prime targets right now.”

They found the imps swinging from the artificial ficus trees in the entryway, in full view of the street. There were red ones and orange ones, brown ones and black ones, and some with patches of every color of the rainbow in their fur.

“Um, are you sure we should smear jam on the nice clean carpet and walls and stuff?” Mark asked as Mariah passed out ammo.

“That janitor can take care of the mess when he wakes up,” Jim said. “You know, he always seemed so normal. Was he really a clown?”

“He really was.”

Soon the walls and carpet were smeared with sticky pink circles, and there were no more imps in sight. The coven and their newfound friends flopped into the cushioned armchairs for a brief rest, ended too soon by Gina.

“Sorry, guys. I smell gremlins again.”

By the time day dawned, they’d banished too many gremlins and imps to count, as well as two more gargoyles, both in the form of stone lions.

“We’re almost ready,” Roger said after he’d recovered from the third gargoyle.

“I’m just going to test it on this machine we know is infected,” Kath said, switching on the computer and inserting a CD.

The fan whirred and the computer booted from the disk. A window popped up asking, “Purge Gremlin Virus?”

Kath clicked “OK,” and a progress bar appeared with the text “Purging in Progress.” When the bar was full, the computer automatically rebooted and Kath retrieved the CD. “Yes! It’s booting normally. We did it!”

“And it looked a lot prettier than our version,” Mariah admitted. “Or at least less alarming to the average person who knows nothing about what it’s really doing.”

“Yup. The banana and the incantation are all embedded in it, but we thought it would be better if they didn’t display on the screen.”

“Ready to release it to the world at large?” Roger asked.

“Ready!”

Roger brought up his own computer’s internet connection and the CD drive spun up. “It’s already installed on this machine, so I should be protected against another infection,” he explained.

Footsteps in the doorway made everyone in the over-crowded office turn.

“Is the janitor—?” Tami started, but it wasn’t the janitor.

Standing in the doorway was a woman with short curly red hair that didn’t quite hide her blunt golden horns. Her skin was smooth and tanned, and she leaned casually against the doorframe. “Am I interrupting?”

Roger started to stammer something, but Walter quieted him with a wave of his hand and asked, “Whom do you serve?”

“I serve the glorious one.”

Gretchen rolled her eyes. “Does it matter, Walter?”

With speed born of long practice, Mariah fished a pomegranate out of her bag and bade it hover in front of the newest obstacle to their plan, LaTosha held up the mirror, and Walter cleared his throat and recited the spell that had banished Antonai.

The angel-or-demon’s eyes widened, but the pomegranate had begun its inexorable pressure toward the other dimension, and she disappeared still looking astonished.

“Guess she didn’t expect anyone as well prepared as you,” Kath said, her voice faint. “What was she?”

“An angel or a demon,” Walter said. “You’d better take care of that program before we have any more interruptions.

“Roger that, captain,” Kath said with a salute. “Go for it, Rog.”

Walter looked back and forth between Kath and a giggling Gina then held up his hands in surrender.

Roger uploaded the software to the developers’ site for feedback, and within minutes congratulations started hitting his inbox. When enough others had approved the program, the phone rang.

“Hello? Oh, great, good. Now I can sleep.” Roger hung up. “They’ve started distributing it everywhere. All the free software sites, newspapers, stuff like that. Everyone who runs a server will be required to install it from now on.”

“They’ll find a way to code new gremlins,” Kath pointed out.

“But for now, we’ve won, and I’m hitting the hay. Thanks for all your help. We couldn’t have done it without you. If you want, you can come home with us and crash for a while before you drive home.”

“That sounds great,” Gina said, unwrapping a piece of gum. “Ugh. I feel like I can still smell all that other-dimensional stink even with my nose back here.” She bit down on the gum and they left the building accompanied by the scent of cinnamon.

22 Virus (Part 1)

Gina sat at the kitchen table enjoying an early morning piece of gum, unrolled the Sunday paper, and squeaked. The headline for the lead story was bolder than usual, and under it was a photo of a gremlin.

“Shit. The rest of the world isn’t supposed to know about you!” she muttered at the low-resolution reproduction of her familiar enemy.

An aggressive cross-platform computer virus has been released onto the internet from an as yet unidentified source. Some experts suspect a prank gone wrong, but this has not been confirmed. Symptoms appear at startup, when a graphic displays and insults the user. Unless the computer is immediately powered off, nonsense code begins to replace every file on the disk. Programmers around the world are at work on a fix, but experts advise leaving your computer off and avoiding the internet until a solution is found.

“Well, damn.” Gina hunted around for her phone and called Lisa. “Oh, hi, Mr. Heathcliffe. Is Lisa home?”

She waited while he went to wake his daughter, smacking her gum hard as she thought.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Gina. Sorry I woke you up on a weekend, but did you see the paper this morning? No you didn’t, you were asleep. Do you know where that gremlin in your laptop came from?”

“Well, I used the laptop at school and then when I powered it up again at home, there it was, being all infestational, you know?”

“Were you on the internet at school?”

“Yeah. That’s one of the advantages of going to a modern school. They’ve got wifi in the cafeteria and stuff.”

“And the gremlin wasn’t there before then?”

“Nope. Hey, what’s going on?” Lisa’s voice got fainter. “Dad, can I see the paper? Oh, da…rn.”

“Yeah. So you probably don’t want to connect to the internet until this gets figured out.”

“No kidding. I’ll tell Mom and Dad, too. Thanks, Gina. Let me know if you guys need anything.”

“Will do.” Gina flipped the phone shut then open and called Walter. “Dude. Gremlins in the internet.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Haven’t you read your paper yet?”

“No.”

“Well, there’s a gremlin computer virus. That’s what Lisa’s laptop had, and it’s been spreading. The paper said programmers are working on it, but I think they need witches, not programmers.”

“Or both,” Walter agreed grimly. “I’m sure the phones are ringing off the hook at MCDI, but I’ll ask where they think we can be most useful. Be ready when I call you back.”

“Aye, aye, Walter!”

But Gina didn’t go back to reading the paper. Instead, she called everyone she could think of, from her parents to her nephew to Sheena, and told them to keep their computers away from the internet.

When Walter called back, she breathed a sigh of relief. “My nephew Patrick didn’t believe me, and you know, there are going to be others like him who don’t believe it either.”

“That will make the cleanup take longer, but it won’t make it impossible.”

“With gremlins copying themselves indiscriminately on the internet?”

“MCDI has people working on it everywhere, including a couple of members of an Iowa City coven who make video games by day. We’re to help their coven keep the area free of…distractions while they work.”

“I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”

“Just get Mark and meet us at Mariah and Gretchen’s house.”

“Aye, aye!”

“And stop saying that. Just because I’m the head of this coven doesn’t mean I give the orders.”

“Walter? You just did.” Gina called Mark and answered his sleepy greeting with, “Get ready. We’re going to Iowa.”

She left the paper lying on the table and grabbed a cellophane wrapped package of cinnamon rolls for a portable breakfast. As soon as she was dressed, she jogged down the stairs to Mark’s apartment and banged on the door. “You ready yet?”

“Damn, G, you wake me up and expect me to be ready in thirty seconds? What are we doing this time? Banishing a worldwide gremlin internet infiltration?”

Gina stared at him.

“What? Ooh, I smell cinnamon gum! Can I have a piece?”

Gina reached for the pack in her purse without taking her eyes off Mark.

“What?” he asked again.

“I know you don’t get the paper.”

“Nope.”

Gina laughed and handed over the gum. “Well, congratulations, psychic boy. That’s exactly what we’re going to do.”

“You’re joking, right?”

“Nope. Now come on. We’re meeting at Mariah and Gretch’s.”

***

They found Gretchen and Antonai on the front porch.

“What are you guys doing out here?” Mark asked.

“Mariah got tired of Gretchen shouting in the house.”

“She got tired of you shouting…and she said we were warmed up enough by being mad at each other that it didn’t matter that it’s freezing out.”

Gina smothered a laugh while Mark looked back and forth between the two parties.

“I still think you should take me with you,” Antonai insisted.

“Oh, no. Bad idea,” Mark said. “The last place a fine-looking ex-demon-angel like yourself wants to be is in the company of a strange coven, who will have no idea what you’re really like. Do you want to get banished again? We might not be able to get you back and then how would Gretch feel, huh?”

Antonai had actually taken a step back while Mark spoke. “You’re right. I have someone besides myself to consider when I take risks now.”

“Damn right you do!” Gretchen said, exhaling a puff of steam. “Come on. Mariah will let us back inside now that we’ve quieted down. I’m freezing.”

“Our last group is here, I see,” Walter observed as they trooped into the living room.

“And Mark’s convinced Antonai to stay here while we’re gone,” Gretchen reported.

“Ah, good. Well, we’ll take my car. It’s parked in back.”

***

Just over an hour later they left the highway for Iowa City. The computer gaming company, Fantasy Formulations, had an office overlooking the Iowa River, and they had to wade through a sea of demanding ducks that exhaled duck-sized puffs of steam with each quack before they reached the door.

A harried-looking woman met them there, her hair tied in a bandana. She looked as though she hadn’t slept for days. “You’re the Stonebridge people?”

“That’s us,” Walter confirmed. “I’m Walter, and this is Mariah, LaTosha, Gretchen, Gina, and Mark.”

“I’m Tami. I’ll introduce you to the others as we meet them. What did MCDI tell you about our situation?”

“That your developers think they’re close to a solution, but they keep getting distracted by other sorts of other-dimensional invaders.”

Tami led them down a hallway. “That about covers it. We’re a small coven like you, and the three of us without our faces glued to computer screens are having a rough time keeping up with all the distractions to give Roger and Kath some peace.” She opened a door into a darkened room divided into cubicles. “They’re just on the other side.”

“Cube farms are so creepy,” Gina whispered to LaTosha, who nodded.

“Give me a school full of rowdy kids any day.”

Roger and Kath were in an office with a real door and walls. When they arrived, the two programmers were backed into a corner being threatened by a stone lion with shoulders as high as their own.

“It’s not real. It can’t be real!” Roger jibbered, while Kath hid behind him.

“It’s a gargoyle,” Gina whispered. “At least it smells like one. Kind of dry and stony.”

“But what’s it supposed to be?” LaTosha murmured, head cocked to one side as she surveyed the scene.

“Roger, Kath, snap out of it! It’s just another gargoyle,” Tami said, her voice muted by the creature’s presence.

The two cowering programmers blinked bleary eyes, but neither moved.

Tami sighed. “It’s a stone lion from the game they were working on before this took priority. I don’t know why the gargoyles think that’s what will frighten them most, but apparently they’re right. So did you bring any fruit?”

Mark stepped forward. “Present.”

Tami’s eyes raked him up and down. “I’m afraid you need mangoes to banish these guys, so I’d say you haven’t got the right…equipment.”

Gretchen stifled a laugh as Mariah fished a mango out of her shoulder bag.

Tami accepted it and approached the gargoyle. “Esvey! No mirror.”

LaTosha produced a hand mirror from her back pocket and stood beside Tami. Tami set the mango hovering, and the two chanted in unison. “Through the unseen gateway behind, into your own home, be now reflected.” The mango pushed the gargoyle away from the mirror, and it disappeared with a slight pop.

“I never knew you could use such a small mirror,” Tami commented, her voice loud after the hush.

“Oh, yes. Even a tiny shard works,” Gretchen assured her. “We found that out the first time we banished gremlins from our house. We were just learning and we’d broken all the mirrors, so we used what we had.” She gave Roger a hand up while Tami helped Kath.

“Hey, guys, this is the Stonebridge coven.”

“Hi. Thanks. What a way to meet new people.” Roger ran a hand over his face. “When this is all over, I’m getting some sleep. I know better than to think my stone lions have come alive.”

“Ditto. We’d be smarter if we weren’t so exhausted,” Kath said. “Nice to meet you all.” They stumbled back to their computers.

“They’ll be all right for a while now,” Tami said. “Come on. I know there are other things hiding around here. We’ve spent a lot of time playing hide-and-seek.”

“I can help with that,” Gina told her. “See, I relocate my nose to the other dimension, so right now I can smell gargoyles and gremlins and stuff, but not the coffee on the desk or anything else.”

“Good thing, that. You’re spared the smells of programmers and witches who haven’t bathed in a long while.”

“Trust me when I say I’d rather smell you than a gremlin any day.”

Tami shrugged. “Which way, then, Madam Nose?”

“Mmm, that way.” Gina pointed out the office door and down a hallway to the left.

“So what’s esvey?” Mark asked as they walked.

“A swear word from Lion Palisade, their computer game. I pick up bad habits hanging around with those two.”

“I think it’s kind of cool,” Gretchen said.

“Gremlins to port,” Gina announced, stopping beside a supply cabinet. “Banana?”

Mariah held one up. “Check!”

“Mirror?”

“Check!” said LaTosha.

Gina yanked open the cupboard door and three gremlins tumbled out. Walter snagged one by an ankle, Mark caught another around its scrawny waist, and Tami held another by its ear. Hers stood stock still, trembling.

“How’d you do that, Tami?”

“Twist their ears. Hurts so much they stand still so it won’t hurt more.”

Mariah and LaTosha made the rounds with banana and mirror, and the gremlins were pushed one by one back into their home dimension.

“You guys are efficient,” Tami said.

Gretchen chuckled. “Believe me, we weren’t always. Witness the fact that we knew mirror shards were big enough.”

“I smell…wait. I smell a clown? How can I smell a clown? Tami, is there something you’re not telling us?” Gina backed away from the Iowan witch.

TO BE CONTINUED…

21 Personal History

Gretchen sneezed. “Damn, it’s dusty up here!”

“I know, but won’t it be great when we’ve gone through all the old junk that came with the house and we can use the attic for storage?”

“I guess so.”

“We might even find something interesting,” Mariah added.

“Yeah, like this thing. It looks like a book, but I don’t think it is.”

“Oh, let me see.”

“Wait. What was that?”

“I said, Let me—” Mariah stopped as Gretchen held up a hand.

Gretchen lowered her voice to just above a whisper. “I meant what was that thump?”

“Thump?”

“Shh, listen. There it is again!”

Mariah shrugged. “Probably Antonai messing around with cleaning the upstairs. You know how he was begging you to let him do something.”

“Well, I suppose…. I’m going to go make sure.”

“I guess I’d better come with you, just in case it turns out to be gremlins or something after all.”

They tiptoed down the attic stairs with many a creak and found Antonai poised at the top of the flight below, peering down toward the living room. He started when they emerged from the attic door, and motioned them to be quiet.

“What is it?” Gretchen asked, coming up next to him and putting a hand on his hip.

“I don’t know.”

“It wasn’t you, then.”

“No.”

“From your dimension?”

Antonai shrugged. “Might be, I suppose. I don’t always sense them. It could be some sneaky demon like my former friend Aurus.”

“The one who gave you Mark’s cure? Would he stab you in the back like that?” Gretchen asked.

“Of course he would. Aurus played both sides better than I did, and he didn’t get caught!”

“Shh!”

They quieted down enough to hear something fall downstairs.

“That’s definitely not the house settling,” Mariah muttered. “Other-dimensional invaders here we come!”

“I’ll be glad when we can send back those bugs. It seems like our house has been more of a target than ever since they appeared. Like that gargoyle we banished last week.”

Antonai looked down. “Don’t you think that has more to do with me than with the little servants?”

“Probably,” Mariah admitted. “Although it probably has even more to do with the Society for Holiness on Earth.”

“Yeah. It’s their fault. You get to stay as long as you want,” Gretchen declared. “We like you here.”

“I should at least get a job,” Antonai argued.

“If you want. We’ll have to find a better way to keep those horns hidden, though. Most employers don’t let you wear baseball caps inside.” She pushed the brim of Antonai’s over his eyes.

“Hey!”

A particularly loud crash echoed up the stairwell, complete with the tinkle of shattering glass.

Mariah groaned. “Come on. Let’s go see what we’re facing this time.”

They took the stairs more quietly this time, but the old boards squeaked in mockery of their efforts.

Footsteps shuffled across the floor below, so they abandoned secrecy and thundered the rest of the way downstairs, skidding through the living room, the hallway, and into the kitchen.

The lock on the back door seemed to have stuck, and a manlike figure bent over it, cursing under his breath as he struggled.

“Stop where you are!” Gretechen ordered, but the figure paid her no attention.

Antonai stepped forward. “She means it!”

“You got no idea who you’re messing with,” the figure spat without turning.

“Whom do you serve?” Mariah demanded.

The frantic yanking on the doorknob stopped. “Say what?“

“She asked who your master is,” Antonai barked.

“You wanna know who I’m workin’ for? I ain’t workin’ for no one.”

Antonai stepped forward and grasped the man’s shoulders to force him to face them. He softened his voice. “You can tell us. I, too, am of the fallen, a traitor to both sides. Only here have I found a home.”

A wild look came into the intruder’s eyes as he looked frantically from Antonai to Gretchen to Mariah and back. “Are you…trying to offer me a place here in your…what is this place? A whorehouse? Are you the pimp?”

Gretchen snorted, and Antonai looked at the intruder as though he hadn’t understood.

“A what?” the ex-angel asked.

“You really don’t know?”

Antonai shook his head, then comprehension stole into his eyes. “Oh. I think I can guess.”

“What planet are you people from?” The intruder’s voice rose in pitch as he grew more frantic.

“I guess we haven’t made the best impression,” Mariah said, stepping forward and holding out her hand. “I’m Mariah.”

The intruder pressed himself against the door and refused to shake hands. “You people are nuts. All right. Okay. I’ll go quietly and I’ll never come back. Just…please don’t turn me into some kind of prostitute or something.”

“We don’t run a brothel!” Gretchen shouted. “Wait. Where are you from?”

“Like I’d tell you! You’d have the cops after me in no time. I’m getting out of here!”

The door didn’t budge, but Antonai did. He swept down upon their uninvited guest and pushed him against the closed door.

“Hey, man! You’re out of bounds!” The man lashed out with a fist and connected with Antonai’s jaw.

The ex-angel grunted, but didn’t release his hold.

“Actually, no, he’s not,” Gretchen said, stepping forward to stand beside Antonai. “He lives here, so he’s most definitely in bounds, and so are Mariah and I. What I’m puzzled about is what you’re doing here.”

“Nothing, okay? I’m not doing nothing!”

“That’s what every servant of God and Satan says. And probably the Fish’s servants do, too,” Antonai growled.

“God? Satan? What fucking fish?” He braced himself against the door and drew his feet up, giving Antonai a strong enough shove in the gut to break his hold. Gretchen rushed to give her lover a hand up, while Mariah attempted to corner their invader.

“Look, lady, I didn’t ask you to sic your bodyguard on me. Just let me go nice and easy now, and you won’t get hurt.”

“I don’t intend to get hurt,” Mariah said through gritted teeth. “And actually by coming into my house, you did ask to have my bodyguard take care of you.”

The intruder made a break for it, pushing Mariah aside. She stumbled into a chair and fell with a crash.

Antonai gave chase and tackled the intruder in the middle of the living room. His baseball cap flew off, and there was a grunt and a thud as the intruder’s head met the carpeted floor. Gretchen helped Mariah untangle herself from the chair, and they hurried in the men’s wake.

“You’d better think again, buddy. You’re not going anywhere until you tell us who your master is.”

The prisoner groaned. “I told you. I ain’t got a boss. You’re a bunch of raving lunatics!” He took another look at Antonai and screamed. His arms and legs flailed as he fought to get free of Antonai’s weight.

Antonai put a hand to his head and grimaced at the loss of his cap, then shoved the man back against the floor. “What did you call us?”

“Just a second.” Gretchen stepped in. “What’s your name?”

“Not telling you that any more than I’d tell you where I live. Maybe you wouldn’t call the cops, but I don’t want a bunch of lunatics with horns stalking me either!”

Mariah sighed. “Let him up, Antonai. He doesn’t know what we’re talking about.”

“Mariah! He was still breaking into our house!”

Mariah shrugged.

With a look at them and then at the prisoner, Antonai released his pressure and hauled the man to his feet. “Get out and don’t come back.”

The man dashed to the front door and flung it open, pounded down the front walk, slid down the sloping lawn, and took off along the street.

“Why did I become a witch?” Gretchen muttered, dropping onto the porch steps. “I could have a nice normal life.”

“Sounds like by ‘normal’ you mean boring,” Antonai noted. “If you hadn’t been a witch, you wouldn’t have had any idea who I was. You would’ve just thought you were going mad and seeing men with horns.”

“Exceptionally handsome men,” Gretchen amended. “Which I’m not convinced would have upset me as much as you seem to think.”

Mariah cleared her throat.

“Who do you think he was serving?” Gretchen asked.

Mariah shrugged. “No one. I think he was telling the truth. He was totally out of his depth. What did you think, Antonai?”

“I couldn’t get a sense of any other-dimensional power about him. Perhaps he wasn’t a servant after all.”

“You mean he was just a thief?” Gretchen asked.

“Or looking for a place to hide. I can’t think of anyone else who’s tried to hide out in your house.” Antonai said with a wink.

“And remember how he had a hard time with the kitchen door?” Mariah asked.

“Well, we can check that out.” Gretchen led the way back into the kitchen and bent down to study the lock. Then she tried the knob and tugged on the door.

“What do you see?” Mariah asked.

Gretchen shrugged. “Well, it’s definitely jammed. I don’t know if that means the lock was picked or what. We might have to use the side door for a while, until we can call someone and get it fixed.”

“I have a new idea,” Antonai said. “Maybe I should stay downstairs and make sure no one else comes in while you two are up in the attic.”

“Where’s the fun in that? Come upstairs with us!” Gretchen said. “Once he tells his friends about us, rumor will keep us safe from break-ins for a while.”

“Unless everyone wants to prove our thief was crazy,” Mariah amended.

After a few minutes of wheedling, Antonai agreed, and they climbed the two flights of stairs again.

“I want you guys to see this weird thing I found,” Gretchen said as they climbed. “It’s like an ancient book or something, only I don’t think it’s got insides.”

“Really?” Mariah sounded skeptical.

“Yeah, it’s over in the corner.” Gretchen scooped it up and held it out for examination.

“Wow, this is gorgeous,” Mariah said, running a hand over the stamped leather cover. “Historia Universalis. Universal history?”

“Look inside it,” Gretchen urged.

So Mariah opened the book to reveal a set of boards hinged onto the covers. When they were all folded out, they formed a box with a round hole in the top part.

“What is it?” Gretchen asked, even as Antonai laughed. “What?”

“It’s a commode,” Antonai chuckled. “These were popular in the eighteenth century. Very portable, you see, and very ‘universal.’ The chamber pot goes in the hole in the middle.”

“Chamber pot? Eighteenth century? Just how old are you, anyway?” Gretchen wanted to know.

Antonai shrugged. “No idea. Sometimes time flows faster here, sometimes there, and I’ve spent enough time in both dimensions to make guessing my age a lost cause.”

“But you remember the eighteenth century.”

“Yes.”

“Weird.”

Now it was Mariah’s turn to laugh. “Is it, though, Gretch? It sounds like about par for the course—chase off an intruder, unearth a book that turns out to be a commode, and find out your boyfriend remembers the seventeen hundreds. All in a day’s work!”

20 Wannabe

Mark sat over the checkers board, staring down at his black pieces and Gretchen’s red while Gina looked on, ready to play the winner.

“It’s not merely an opportunity, but an obligation,” Gretchen said after several minutes had passed with no indication that Mark remembered the game.

He looked up, rubbing his temples. “Sorry, guys. I can’t really think enough to play. Do you want to take my place, G?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. My headache just keeps getting worse. It feels like something’s about to happen, something bad.”

“Is this a psychic thing?”

Mark shrugged.

“It’s okay.” Gretchen pushed the board aside. “You were creaming me anyway. Should we call Walter?”

“No, don’t bother him until we know what’s wrong.”

Gina’s phone rang and she went into the living room to answer it while Gretchen stood up to massage Mark’s neck.

Mark sighed. “I think I’ve missed your massages more than anything since you and Antonai got together.”

Gretchen’s hands stilled. “It’s the new-relationship effect. I’ve missed you, too. I’m not going to throw you over for Antonai.”

“I guess I can forgive you…especially since he’s so hot.”

“Literally. I think demons must absorb a little piece of hell from living there or something. Sometimes his skin feels like it’s on fire.”

“Is he sick?”

Gretchen shook her head, realized he couldn’t see her, and said, “No. Just hot.”

“Sounds interesting.”

Gretchen chuckled. “It can be quite pleasant.”

Gina came back in, phone in hand. “Oh, do me next!”

“Sure. Who’s on the phone?”

“Lisa. Her friend Trina’s freaking out. She called Lisa and said something weird was going on in downtown Edelport and could we please come to the plaza.”

“Where’s Lisa, then?”

“Where are you, Lisa?” A moment passed, then Gina reported, “Still at home. Shit, call waiting. Can I call you back in a sec, Lisa? Yeah, I promise it’ll be quick.” She hung up and added, “I hope.”

“Hello? Sheena? What’s going on? Oh, weird. We already got one call that something was up. On our way.”

“She didn’t say the same thing as Lisa,” Mark tried hopefully.

“Yup. I guess the massages will have to wait.”

“Damn. We can take my car and you can call everyone while we drive.”

“Your head’s not hurting too much to drive?”

Mark waved a hand in the air. “I’ll be fine.”

But halfway across the Mississippi, Mark was clenching his teeth and squinting. “Almost there. Just a little farther. Damn, Gretch, can you drive this thing?”

“‘Course. Driving a stick is my specialty.”

“Good,” Mark whimpered as he put on his flashers and pulled to one side of the bridge. “Switch with me.”

With Gretchen at the wheel and Mark huddled in the passenger seat, they arrived at downtown Edelport’s plaza, a brick pedestrian mall lined with restaurants and antique shops.

Mark was pale and sweating when Gretchen opened his door and leaned in. “Any better?”

Mark shook his head. “I don’t think I can do anything useful.”

“Still no idea what’s wrong?”

“No. Well, maybe—my fish bites hurt.”

Gretchen turned his face toward the sunlight. Her exclamation drew Gina back toward the car as a charcoal gray leathery form darted from one shadow to another behind her.

“Shit. That can’t be a good sign,” Gina said.

“What?”

“They’re all red and swollen like before Tosha pulled the fish drool out of you.”

Mark moaned.

Gretchen looked from Mark to the plaza as a familiar figure with long blond hair burst into the sunshine and ran toward them.

“Trina?” Gretchen asked.

“Yeah, it’s me. Are you guys, like, behind all this?”

“Nope. What’s up?”

“There’s more of those horrible gremlin things like from Josie’s locker. They’re all over.”

Gretchen looked around again. “I don’t see anything. Gina?”

Gina shook her head. “Give me a minute to relocate my nose and we’ll know for sure.”

“Are you sure you should? Walter said not to.”

Gina brushed that concern aside. “We need information. Walter also said he didn’t think it would throw the balance off.”

As she spoke, Walter’s station wagon parallel parked behind them. Lisa shot out of the backseat and rushed over while the others were still opening their doors. “Gina! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, we’re all right. Mark’s fish bites are all swollen, though.”

“Oh no!”

“I’m going to go find a bathroom really quick,” Gina said.

“Can’t you just do it in the back of the car?” Gretchen asked, taking Antonai’s hand as he joined them.

Lisa looked from Gretchen to Gina. “Um….”

“My nose,” Gina explained. “Yeah, okay, I’ll do it in the car. Just don’t watch or I’ll get self-conscious.”

Mariah followed in Lisa’s wake. “You said Sheena was here somewhere?”

“Yeah,” Mark said, leaning out the window to give Gina privacy. “We haven’t seen her, though.” He rubbed his forehead.

“Are you all right?”

“I will be, but I don’t know if I can help with whatever needs to be done.”

“It’s okay. If nothing else, you can be our point of contact.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Gina reemerged. “All right, guys, I’m ready. Ugh! Gremlins for sure…and something bigger. Wait. Carolyn? Tosha, is Carolyn here?”

“If she is, we can help her this time, can’t we Walter?” Lisa asked, bouncing on her toes with eagerness.

Walter gave a short nod. “Yes, I hope so. LaTosha and I have been researching.”

LaTosha had closed her eyes, and now she opened them with a frustrated grunt. “There’s so much going on I’m not sure who’s here and who’s not. I think our friend Shadow Fish has put in an appearance, though.”

All eyes turned toward the car and to Mark, limp in the front seat.

“No wonder he feels like shit,” Gretchen remarked.

“If Shadow Fish is around, I don’t want Mark left alone,” Walter said. “Gretchen and Lisa, you two stay here in the plaza and take care of whatever other-dimensional beings show themselves. Trina, you stay with them.”

“All right,” Gretchen said.

Lisa just nodded and stared after Gina, who ducked into an ice cream shop as the rest of the coven chose other establishments.

Trina leaned against the car and fidgeted. “There’s gremlins in the Chinese Kitchen,” she told them. “Can’t we go take care of them?”

“Why didn’t you tell Walter that so he could go there first?” Gretchen snapped.

“I thought you and Lisa could handle it.”

“Did you not hear a word Walter said? We’re staying with Mark.”

“I just thought—”

“I’m not convinced you do think.”

Trina recoiled as though she’d been slapped, and Lisa appeared stuck between gratification and sympathy as she looked away toward the ice cream shop. Trina watched with tears in her eyes.

“If you want to be friends again, you really ought to apologize for what you said before,” Gretchen told her.

Trina shot Gretchen a nasty look and turned away.

“Go home, Trina,” Lisa sighed. “You don’t know how to help, and you’re just in harm’s way here.”

“If you can be here, so can I.”

“You’re the one who decided not to learn witchcraft.”

“All right, enough.” Gretchen held up her hands between the two. “Lisa’s right, even if she’s not being nice about it. How’d you get here, Trina?”

“Bus.”

“Good. We’ll walk you to the stop and you can head on home, then.”

“I’ll come, too,” Mark said, hoisting himself out of the car at last.

Trina sat down inside the bus shelter as Mark lifted a hand to point across the plaza. “I spy something gremlinish!”

“Then let’s banish some gremlin ass!” Gretchen exclaimed. “Shit. I don’t have a mirror, just a banana.”

“There’s mirrors on the cars. We can haul its scrawny butt over there.”

“You know, for someone with a headache, that’s a really good idea,” Lisa said.

Mark bowed and straightened with a groan.

The gremlin’s head was inside a trashcan as it rummaged after something, and they sneaked up behind it. Gretchen and Lisa pounced and caught its hands and feet.

“Turn it upside down. It’ll be easier,” Gretchen advised.

The gremlin’s struggles lessened as fear of being dropped on its head overcame desire to be free.

“Whom do you serve?” Gretchen asked.

“I serve the Fish!” the gremlin hissed, puffing up its upside-down chest.

“So the Fish has gremlins now?”

“He’s always had a loyal few, but his support grows by the day. Soon the Fish will rule!”

“Yeah, whatever. Not today.”

The gremlin started squirming as they held it up to a side mirror on Walter’s car, set the banana hovering, and intoned the banishing chant in unison. The gremlin vanished and the banana fell to the pavement.

“Hey guys!”

Lisa jumped.

“Oh, hi, Sheena,” Mark said, introducing her to Lisa.

“So what the hell? Am I always going to be haunted?”

Mark shrugged. “I don’t think this has anything to do with your beard.”

“So I’ll be safe if I go home?”

“Should be. Thanks for the heads-up.”

“No problem. See you later.” She waved.

Gretchen watched her go. “It’s too bad things didn’t work out with Mandie.”

They looked up as footsteps pounded toward them. Antonai rounded a corner, baseball cap askew, and panted to a halt.

“Shadow Fish is in the river. He’s got souls with him, including the one you call Carolyn.”

“Is Gina okay?” Lisa asked.

They spared her a puzzled glance as Antonai said, “She’s fine.”

“What do you want to do, Mark?” Gretchen asked.

“I’ll come. Maybe I’ll feel better doing something.”

They rushed down two blocks and across the park over the levee, and joined the others looking down into the choppy water where Shadow Fish lurked.

“He looks a lot smaller than he did in the Stone River,” Gretchen observed.

“Yeah.”

LaTosha’s eyes were half closed as she murmured under her breath.

“What’s she doing?” Lisa asked.

“Talking to the souls,” Walter explained, “asking if they want to break their ties to Shadow Fish. Seems some don’t—they’ll do anything to keep this twisted sort of eternal life.”

“What about Carolyn?” Mark asked.

“Carolyn still wants to be free.”

Mark relaxed. “Good. Can we free her first?”

“Yes. We’ll need to distract Shadow Fish while we free them, otherwise he’ll just snag them as we work. This park is littered with what’s left of last year’s acorns, so we’ll gather those and pelt the Fish with them while LaTosha works. When she’s done, we’ll send him back again.”

“If we can. Remember, the exorcism didn’t work last time until Carolyn had given herself up,” Mark pointed out.

“Hope for luck,” Walter said, setting his jaw.

“Not to be a naysayer, Walter, but isn’t thwarting Shadow Fish a little like dissing a third-party candidate at election time? I mean, might it be better to overthrow the other dimension’s two-party system?” Gretchen asked.

“In this case, I doubt it. The fewer beings powerful enough to tamper with our dimension, the better. If equality meant a less powerful God and Satan, I’d say yes, but I’ll pass on a more powerful Fish.”

“Good point.”

“Are you ready, Carolyn?” Walter asked.

“She’s ready,” LaTosha reported, holding out her hand. “Can I have your smoothie, Gina?”

Gina offered up her blueberry banana smoothie, and LaTosha took the lid off and handed the cup back to her. “Just hold that.”

She closed her eyes and moved her hands through the empty air above the cup, alternately pulling and rolling as though she were making a clay snake. Then she drew back to fling the invisible object over the levee and started pulling hand over hand.

“What’s she doing?” Lisa whispered to Gina.

Gina shrugged.

Gretchen leaned closer. “I think she’s doing something with empathic ropes, the way she pulled the Fish’s slobber out of Mark.”

“Yeah, I think so,” Mark agreed.

LaTosha’s hand rose and sketched a wave. “Goodbye, Carolyn. I hope you’ll be happier now.”

She repeated the process again and again, releasing spirits only she could see, while everyone else tossed handfuls of half-eaten acorns and walnuts at Shadow Fish. The smoothie grew darker and thicker as the effort progressed, until it was only a dry crusty sludge in the bottom of the cup. Gina looked at it and said, “Eww, gross.”

LaTosha sighed and sagged against Gina’s shoulder. “They’re free.”

“And now for the Fish!” Gretchen declared. “I’ve had enough of this wannabe deity!”

“Antonai, you’d better go back to the plaza. We don’t want to send you back accidentally,” Walter said. He waited until the ex-angel had retreated before beginning to chant in Latin.

The Fish thrashed, sending waves crashing against the levee.

Walter drew a quick breath and said, “I need everyone with me.”

They all took up the chant, and the Fish’s struggles grew more desperate. Finally Gretchen rained one more fistful of broken nuts down on him, and he began to fade.
They raised their voices and kept on until the water closed in around the spot, dampening their faces with spray.

“I’m going to be so hoarse tomorrow,” Gina said, one hand on her throat. “I hope MCDI does something about those Holiness people soon so we stop getting such big invasions.”

“Well done,” Walter said. “We’ve started the year with one more victory for dimensional independence.”

Gina poked Gretchen. “And Mark and I are overdue for massages!”

19 The Not-so-Secret Society of Santas

The downtown hotel and convention center was packed as Gina led the coven through the revolving door and into the lobby.

“Damn. Who knew Santa impersonators were so popular!” Gretchen exclaimed as she bit into yet another of Walter’s sister’s frosted sugar cookies.

“Well, it is almost Christmas,” Mark pointed out. “People probably want to bring their kids to see Santa. And did you bring a stash of those from Walter’s?”

“Nope, sorry.”

“I’m not sure this is kid appropriate, Mark,” Gina said quietly. “Look.”

Mark looked where she was pointing and stared at the muscular guy wearing red fishnet stockings and shirt with a sleek green Speedo. His ankles, sleeves, and collar were edged with fluffy white fur, and his goatee was painted white. He’d left his shaggy hair black. “Ooh, he’s kinda hot.”

“Really?”

“How many guys do you know who could pull off that outfit?”

“You sure he’s pulling it off, though?” Gretchen asked, sidling up to them as the Santa in question was joined by another in a fur-trimmed red leather jacket and skin-tight black pants.

“Oh, totally. So does his friend. Aw, damn.”

The pair had disappeared into the crowd.

“At least the other guy looked warmer. I’d be freezing in fishnet.” Gina shivered.

“All right, everyone. We’re here to make sure things stay rooted in our dimension. For whatever reason the Not-so-Secret Society of Santas has a history of other-dimensional activity at their conventions, and since it’s in Sstonebridge this year, we got the assignment.”

“Right, Walter,” Mark said, turning aside as a voice blared through a speaker in one of the presentation rooms.

“Come one, come all to the Thirteenth Annual fashion show and cosplay of the Not-so-Secret Society of Santas!”

Mark grabbed Gina’s hand in one hand and Gretchen’s in the other, and dragged them toward the room. “Come on, you guys! I want to see the Santas!”

“Have fun, just don’t forget to keep an eye out for trouble,” Walter said with a wave as he, Mariah, and LaTosha chose another direction.

Mark hauled Gina and Gretchen to the front row and plopped down in a chair as the emcee shook a cluster of sleigh bells. The audience clapped and he stepped to one side, eyes on the edge of the makeshift stage.

“To start things off, I present St. Knickerbocker and the Zantac Louse!”

Music blared and two Santas danced onto the stage. The first wore metallic gold knickers and a furred waist-length cloak over a bare chest accented by red suspenders. The second was the one in fishnets from the lobby, who’d donned a full curly white beard and wig.

“Ooh, St. Knick’s even hotter!” Mark whispered.

Gretchen wrinkled her nose. “All right. Fair point.”

Gina just shook her head and watched the two Santas gyrate to a techno rendition of “I saw Santa kissing Santa Clause.”

The act ended with a resounding kiss loud enough to be heard at the back of the room, and the two Santas left the stage to thunderous applause.

Then the emcee was back. “Thanks to St. Knick and the Louse! Such amazing dancers! Next up we have Cripsy Pringle!”

“He looks awfully familiar,” Mark said as the next Santa swaggered onto the stage, nearly tripping over a knee-length beard. His brown hair had been shaved, and he’d rubbed silver glitter in it. His costume was the most traditional so far, departing only in length of beard, and the fact that the bell-bottomed pants swung around platform shoes.

He stopped in the middle of the stage and shouted. “Yo, Rudolph, get your ass out here! We’ve got things to do!”

Hooves sounded, and someone bounded onto the stage wearing a pair of antlers and a glowing red nose.

Mark gasped squeakily.

“What?” Gretchen whispered.

“That’s Belinda!”

“Belinda’s not Rudolph the…whatever…for her job.”

“But look! Rudolph’s a clown!”

“Well, you’ve got to admit, they’ve got things in common. The nose, mostly,” Gina pointed out.

“Yeah, listen to Gina, she knows about noses.”

“Maybe that’s why she took the job, then, but that’s Belinda. We have to tell the others!”

Before Mark could stand up, Mariah appeared in the aisle beside them and whispered, “We need you guys.”

Mark threw a last wistful look over his shoulder. Then he and the others followed Mariah from the room as Belinda-Rudolph led Crispy Pringle on a merry chase.

“What’s going on?” Gretchen asked.

“Walter found a pack of Christmasy clowns beating up on someone.”

“Belinda!” Mark shouted loud enough to draw stares.

“What?”

Gretchen put a finger to her lips and leaned in closer. “Belinda can’t have been in on it, she’s on stage. But yeah, Mariah, Belinda’s here.”

“As a clown?” Mariah asked sharply.

“As Rudolph.”

“A clownish Rudolph,” Mark added.

“Might be worse than we thought,” Mariah muttered. “Tosha said the clowns were possessed, and the guy in the center of the ring, well…. Walter and Tosha stayed there. They’ve spiked the punch and are trying to get the clowns to drink it.”

“Spiked the punch? Walter?”

“What good’s that supposed to do?”

“We need bees!” Mark exclaimed.

“‘Tis the season for bees to be freezin’,” Gina reminded him.

Mariah held up a hand. “He used some of that balancing stuff he had you drink, Gina. He’s hoping that if their bodies are forced into balance, the possessing spirits will have to leave for a while.”

They hurried down hallways and up stairs to the suite where food and drink were available to participants. Shouts met them before they got there, and they broke into a run.

The door was open and Walter and LaTosha stood next to the table, desperately trying to convince the jeering clowns that they’d like to take a break from harassing their victim and have a drink of punch. A few had agreed, and stood looking bewildered, plastic cups in their hands.

“Oh, good, you’re here!” LaTosha said.

Gretchen looked at Walter. “So, do we have a plan?”

“No. Any ideas.”

A voice rose from the center of the ring of clowns. “Stop! What do you people want with me?”

“Is it a kid?” LaTosha gasped. Throwing her own safety aside, she plunged into the crowd.

“Tosha!” Mariah led the way, and the rest of the coven burst through the ring of clowns and stopped short.

“If that’s a kid, he’s wearing one hell of a costume,” Gretchen muttered.

Though the clowns’ victim only came up to stomach height on the surrounding adults, his body was proportioned like that of a well-muscled adult. He wore a green stocking cap with golden leaves dangling from the point, and his pierced ears sported a line of tiny gold rings along the edges, all the way to….

“They’re pointed!” Gina breathed, reaching toward him and drawing back her hand before she touched his ear.

“Of course they’re pointed, you oaf! What do you expect? What’s wrong with this place? First a crowd of people with false beards chases me down the hall, says they want me play with them. Now I’m hemmed in by freaks!”

“Hey! We’re not freaks!” Gretchen protested.

“You surround a poor innocent elf and pull his ears—”

“I didn’t touch your ear!” Gina exclaimed.

“—and call him names, and shoot blue stuff at him out of your mouths! That’s freakish!”

Before they could explain, a bellow cut across the already high noise level. “Don’t drink the punch! Mine was expelled!”

The clowns roared and LaTosha bit her lip. “Walter, I think we’ve got a problem.”

“Only one other thing I can think of!” Gretchen said, and she swung at the nearest clown.

He ducked and threw a punch that barely missed her jaw.

“No! Don’t fight!”

“Walter!”

Walter started chanting, “Exorcizo te…“

The clowns screamed and backed away, hands in the air, but Walter didn’t relent. By the time he had finished the incantation, clowns lay slumped against walls and piled on the two beds. They looked angry, but utterly exhausted.

“That’s what you did to get rid of Shadow Fish,” Gina said.

“Yes. A little strong for this application, perhaps,” Walter admitted, “but it was the only thing I could think of.”

“We’re going to have to do something else with them before they overrun the place, but for now—”

“I’m going to call the police,” Gina announced.

“How are we going to explain why they’re all groggy?”

“Why do we have to?”

So Gina went ahead with her plan, explaining that the clowns had been picking on a child in costume—a huff from the child who wasn’t a child—and that they’d need to be removed from the hotel.

“Sounds like you’re giving them orders, G,” Mark said when she’d hung up.

Gina grinned. “Well maybe I am. They’re on their way.”

“Come on out in the hall,” Walter told the man they’d rescued, “and tell us about yourself.”

“What is there to tell? I’m not sure how I got here. One minute I was walking in the woods, and the next, I found myself outside this place. Someone in red and white brought me inside and wanted me to play.”

“Where are you from.”

“I live in the forest.”

“Where is the forest?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Never mind. I was hoping you could confirm what I’m afraid has happened, but your confusion is a confirmation of sorts.”

“Walter! What is going on?” asked Mark.

“You know that our dimension and the one ruled by God and Satan are not the only two dimensions, right?”

They nodded.

“Elves, true elves like—what’s your name?”

“I’m Mulwyn.”

“True elves like Mulwyn come from yet another dimension, separated from ours by thicker barriers. If he’s found his way here, the Society for Holiness on Earth must be having more of an impact than we thought. I wonder what MCDI is waiting for?”

They looked up to see two uniformed policemen making their way toward the suite where the clowns were now sitting up shaking their heads.

“What seems to be the problem? We were told there was some trouble with people dressed as clowns. These don’t look violent.”

“They were, though,” Mulwyn spoke up. “They wouldn’t leave me alone.”

The officer looked at each member of the coven in turn, then at the groggy clowns. “I see no evidence of foul play, except they all look disoriented, maybe drugged. Did anyone see someone slip something into the food or drinks?”

Gina let out an “eep!” but Walter shook his head and held up his plastic cup. “We had some, too, and nothing happened to us. Mulwyn, will you go back in and see how they react?”

Mulwyn shot Walter a look that said he’d much rather not, but he squared his shoulders and stepped into the room.

The police officers watched discreetly from the doorway while several clowns jumped up.

“He’s back! The little trickster! Shit. I can’t bring it back. It won’t come in!”

Walter, Mariah, LaTosha, Gretchen, Gina, and Mark exchanged glances.

Three of the clowns converged on Mulwyn anyway, but the others sat back, shaking their heads. “It’s not the same alone,” one said.

“Stop where you are!” the police officer said, stepping into the room.

The clowns froze.

“Good thing they’re ‘alone,’” Mark muttered. “Somehow I couldn’t see them stopping for the police if they were possessed.”

“Shh!” LaTosha hissed.

“I think you’d all better come with us,” the officer said. “We’ll need to get your information. You others will need to turn in a statement.”

They followed him downstairs to the lobby.

“Do you think it’ll be all right if we leave? What if something else comes through?” Gretchen asked. “There’s still Belinda.”

“We’ll come right back,” Walter told them.

So they pushed through the revolving door onto the sidewalk, where Crispy Pringle ran up to Mark and embraced him.

“Whoa, what?”

“Mark! Gina!” Crispy Pringle pulled his beard down over his chin to reveal Sheena beneath it.

“What are you doing here?” Gina demanded.

“There’s more than one way to sport a beard,” Sheena told them with a wink. “Even if Mandie didn’t want me after all that trouble. Lots of interesting people around here. Where’s your boyfriend, Gretchen?”

“He stayed home. He’s got an allergy to Christmas, and besides, a crowded hotel isn’t exactly a great place for you if you’ve got horns for real.”

“Or pointed ears,” grumbled Mulwyn.

“Aww, where’s his sense of adventure? Hey what’s up with you guys?” She’d noticed the police escort.

“Just work. Striking one more blow against unbalance. The fight is never done! Oh, and watch out for that Rudolph of yours. She likes being possessed by other-dimensional spirits.”

“Really?”

Mark nodded.

“All right. I’ll be careful.”

The two police officers had managed to squeeze the clowns into their two cars, and the others got into Walter’s station wagon to follow.

“See you around, Sheena,” Mark called, waving out of his open window.

“Yeah, sure,” Sheena said. “Hey, Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas!”